The Disappointment in Mayor Keller of New Hope, PA

The Disappointment in Mayor Keller of New Hope, PA

For those who follow my posts, I've been linking to articles about the mayor of New Hope, PA, which is also my own mailing address. I live about three miles from downtown New Hope. It's a very small tourist town that I've written about before here. And recently there's been a kerfuffle over the fact that the mayor of New Hope, Larry Keller, has refused to marry gay couples because same-sex marriage is illegal in Pennsylvania, unlike New York, which is about one hour away by car. I thought I would elaborate on this one more time for my readers because it is something that is deeply rooted in civil rights and LGBT history.

You can imagine the reaction the mayor has received from those who are same-sex couples in New Hope.  In full disclosure, Mayor Keller has stated, though reluctantly, that he is supporting legal same-sex marriage in PA, however he's not willing to risk the legal ramifications that accompany marrying same-sex couples right now while it is still illegal in PA. The liberal Democrat Mayor of Philadelphia has also made the same decision, because he doesn't want to break the law by marrying same sex couples and promoting the concept of equal rights. And that really is what all this comes down to. It's a pragmatic decision for both mayors in both places to uphold the laws whether these laws promote inequality or not. The law is the law. Fire is hot. All this came about when a straight married clerk in Montgomery Count, PA, decided to challenge the law himself, all alone, and issue marriage licenses to same sex couples in PA because he wanted to go down on the right side of history. Several of those couples went to New Hope and Philadelphia with their marriage licenses and both mayors refused to recognize them on the basis that it was against the law.

All this has spawned a firestorm between locals in New Hope about whether the mayor is right or wrong...from social media to e-mails. It's recently become a fight between Democrats and Republicans, and it's been nasty to say the least. But what most people outside of New Hope don't know is the history behind the town, and values the town has always stood for. It's not a typical small town in Pennsylvania, which is why Tony and I, and so many other same-sex couples, decided to live here years ago. At one time, it was the only town outside of Philadelphia (and most of New Jersey) that actually had multiple gay bars where gay people could congregate and meet without being harassed. And even then I personally recall nights when straight men driving down the road would shout pejoratives to gay men as they crossed the parking lot from their cars to the gay bar. It happened to me on several occasions and the only thing to do was keep walking, look down, and don't stop until you got inside and took a deep breath.

The reason I opened my art gallery in New Hope and kept it for ten years back in the 1990's was because New Hope was such a diverse community and always so accepting of all people, not just LGBT people. My late landlord was a man named Johnny Francis, who entertained celebrities that ranged from Diana Ross to Jackie Kennedy, in the 1960's, because New Hope was a pit stop for the rich and famous who traveled between Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, and New York. It's always been a place where the arts were celebrated, from big Broadway musicals opening here to the New Hope School of art, now famous for its group of celebrated fine artists. I could link and continue, but I think most people get the point that New Hope is different than other small towns in very distinct ways.

We even started celebrating our own gay pride event about ten years ago, and then the New Hope Film festival began shortly after that. We entertain one of the largest antique auto shows in the country every August, where people from all over the country come and stay at guest houses and bed and breakfasts. It's not unusual to go out to dinner here on a Saturday night and wind up sitting next to a film, TV, or rock star. And part of that reason is because of the diversity, and the way that diversity has always been celebrated. Back in the earlier days, New Hope was a place where mixed race couples could walk down Main Street hand in hand and no one would look at them twice. My former landlord where I had the gallery was the first in town to welcome gays during the 1950's when no one else would dare to do that. He started the first drag shows in town, that brought even more people here on weekends. And always, the bottom line was diversity, equality, and absolute freedom to be who you are. And, this is all pre-Stonewall.

The Beat Generation was known to hang out in what used to called the Latin Quarter in New Hope. Alan Ginsberg lived here, and social activist Abbie Hoffman lived and died here in neighboring Solebury Township, PA, in 1989. So when the present Mayor of New Hope, Larry Keller, broke tradition and refused to marry same-sex couples recently, it wasn't like this was happening any old place. It was happening in a place known for breaking tradition and non-conformity. It was happening in a place that has always been known to stand up for equal rights no matter what the cost. And that literally floored people to the most basic core, especially all the same-sex couples who have lived here, supported New Hope, and paid taxes to New Hope all these years.

So this entire ordeal that has spawned such controversy as a result of Mayor Keller's decision, goes deeper than just following the law and being pragmatic. If there's a law that states someone can only sit in the back of the bus and not up front, sooner or later someone is going to come along and challenge that unfair law and take a chance. Rosa Parks went down on the right side of history for doing this, and she was willing to pay the price at the time. Throughout history there have been brave people who have been willing to challenge unfair laws and they did what they had to do. Rosa Parks was even willing to get arrested for what she believed in, and she's been dubbed the "First Lady of Civil Rights."

Rosa Louise McCauley Parks (February 4, 1913 – October 24, 2005) was an African-American civil rights activist, whom the U.S. Congress called "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement".^[1] Her birthday, February 4, and the day she was arrested, December 1, have both become Rosa Parks Day, commemorated in the U.S. states of California and Ohio.

It's very hard to believe now that a human being in the United States of America could actually get arrested for refusing to move to the back of the bus, but that's how it was back then...until someone had the courage to challenge the rule and stand up for equality. And in refusing to marry same sex couples in New Hope, and in refusing the challenge the law that makes same-sex marriage illegal in PA, Mayor Keller broke tradition in New Hope and disappointed many people beyond repair. He sided with not only an unfair law, but also the wrong side of history. You can twist it, spin it, and turn it in any direction you want, but he chose the law, and it's a law that discriminates. Because I believe that one day, fifty or sixty years from now, someone else will be writing something about inequality and referring to a time when same-sex marriage was illegal and finding that just as hard to believe as forcing good, decent human beings to the back of the bus.

It's so easy to forget the way others have stood up to unfair laws that discriminate. From Rosa Parks' own recollection:

When Parks refused to give up her seat, a police officer arrested her. As the officer took her away, she recalled that she asked, "Why do you push us around?" She remembered him saying, "I don't know, but the law's the law, and you're under arrest."^[23] She later said, "I only knew that, as I was being arrested, that it was the very last time that I would ever ride in humiliation of this kind.

According to Mayor Keller of New Hope, and Mayor Nutter of Philadelphia, the law is the law.

Authors Behaving Badly: New Hope Gay Marriage Saga

Authors Behaving Badly

In the past few years we've heard a great deal about authors behaving badly. There's even an acronym...BBA...badly behaving author. But this following list mentions a few alleged BBAs who aren't new authors, or even self-published authors, and I found the comments fascinating.

Here are just a few names mentioned. There are fourteen mentioned altogether, twelve of which are showcased in detail.

Jonathan Franzen:

While we love Franzen's work, he doesn't seem to be the friendliest guy in town. First, he insulted Oprah. Who insults Oprah?! When Oprah wanted to make "The Corrections" one of her book club picks, Franzen was insulted. He notes, “I think she was surprised that I wasn’t moaning with shock and pleasure." Um, why wouldn't you be? Oprah is about to make you rich. Jonathan Franzen thinks he's too good to have suburban housewives reading his books. To make matters worse, he wrote that horrible piece about Edith Wharton in the New Yorker that basically talked about how she hated other women because she was so ugly, so she only created tragic beautiful female characters. Yeah, Jonathan. We're sure that was the reason. Just totally undermine the first female author to win a Pulitzer for her fiction. Good job.

I've loved everything Franzen has ever written. But I do marvel at his luck sometimes. And while I do believe that we create our own luck for the most part, I also think there's something working in the metaphysical background for some people that most of us can't figure out. It's not every author who can write one book with bad sex scenes and annoying characters every ten years and make millions.

James Franco:

James Franco likes to call himself a part of the literary community, but unfortunately for him, they don't really seem to want him (in fact, it might be a stretch to call him a "famous author" in the first place. He's more "famous" and, in addition, an "author"). The LA Times recently ran a post called Will James Franco Please Stop? However, Franco insists that his undertaking so many artistic projects and trying to look like a renaissance man does not, in fact, make him a jerk. He told E! "If anyone wants to say that my doing these things makes me a jerk, that's not about me—that's about people reacting to me." We see both sides of this coin. However, we think it'd be one thing if writing poetry and novels was just a hobby of Franco's and he wasn't pursuing getting them all published. That's just obnoxious.

This one is tricky for me. Franco has done so many things I admire I just don't get him being called a BBA. In 2006 James Franco went to UCLA to get his degree. He took 62 credits a quarter, where the normal load is about 18 or 19. And for some that's even pushing it. He received his degree in 2008, and he never stopped acting during his time in school. He wrote his thesis under Mona Simpson, an author I've mentioned here before (she was Steve Jobs' sister, who didn't meet Jobs until many years later because Jobs had been put up for adoption...and she also wrote one of my favorite novels of all time, Anywhere But Here). And this is only a partial list of James Franco's credits. So I personally don't find him anything but inspirational. And I think calling him a BBA is really reaching too far.

As a side note, the author of this article made a few fundamental mistakes, which are all updated at the bottom of the post. I couldn't actually find a byline anywhere. You can read more here.

New Hope Gay Marriage Saga

I've been following the story of gay marriage and the Mayor of New Hope, PA, where I live, and it continues to devolve. I posted about this early last week. The gist of all this is that Mayor Keller of New Hope believes it's more important to follow the law than it is to question ethics and inequality. And even though a clerk in Montgomery County, PA, a few miles away from New Hope, has been issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples illegally, Mayor Keller refuses to honor those licenses and he refuses to perform same sex marriage ceremonies in New Hope because same sex marriage in Pennsylvania is illegal. Most legal analysts claim there is limited risk if Keller were to perform same sex marriages, and right now a judge is about to rule on what the clerk in Montgomery County did.

In any event, this was a recent article I read in a local newspaper about Keller.

On one side is the four-term Republican incumbent, Larry Keller, who supports legalization of same-sex marriage and recently declined to perform a wedding ceremony for a gay couple, citing Pennsylvania law, his oath of office and the legal advice of the borough's solicitor.

On the other side is the Democrat challenger, Donna Deely, who had said she would, if elected, perform such ceremonies and now says she would respect the decision of the state court system, whatever that might be.

At the end of the article, a very clever little small town journalist adds this:

A recent poll by Franklin and Marshall College found that 76 percent of respondents disapprove of elected officials ignoring laws with which they disagree.

The journalist must have looked for ages to find that piece of information. And, there is no mention of the types of laws. In other words, Keller is upholding a law that's not only unethical, but it is as steeped in US history as segregation laws and slavery laws. In other words, if there were a law in PA that stated people of African descent could not use the same water fountains or public bathrooms that white people use, would Mayor Keller be a hero for upholding that law?

I have the highest respect for the law. We need laws and we need to follow laws. But every so often a law comes along that needs to be challenged, and in this case it's same sex marriage. What is going to be most interesting out of all of this is whether or not Keller is relected this fall. New Hope has a large gay community, but it's not all gay. And if Keller is relected it's going to speak loudly about where the straight community in New Hope stands on the issue of same sex marriage. Because it's one thing to say you support same sex marriage, but it's a completely different issue to actually support it.

Here's a letter to the editor from one local paper.

New Hope Mayor Keller brought disappointment and sadness to me this week. My life is peppered with many amazing and happy times in New Hope. I shake my head. One of the friendliest places to gay people in Pennsylvania has a mayor who refused to marry a gay couple. Amazing!

Why would someone support a law that is obviously unethical? I remember my father telling me the Army (he served in the Korean War) gave a soldier the option to not follow an order if the soldier felt the command was unethical and/or immoral. If Mayor Keller is for gay rights, then why would he morally or ethically uphold the current marriage law?

As a local official, Mayor Keller should call Gov. Corbett and ask him to stand down and bring down the state marriage law. He should be an advocate for gay rights and not against gay rights.

I was married in New York in July the week of the Supreme Court DOMA decision. My wish was to marry among my family and friends in Pennsylvania, but I could not. Mayor Keller of New Hope was given the chance to stand up for equality and change. He sat down and supported the current law. Amazing!

Now this is an interesting spin. In the same article I linked to above, this is mentioned.

Keller said he is one of about 350 mayors nationwide who have signed a letter by Mayors for the Freedom to Marry, and this week sent a letter to Governor Tom Corbett that said although he always will uphold his oath, " ... in my heart, I strongly believe same-sex marriage should be legal."

And this is how the New Hope Council responded. It's an online version of the newspaper, and I couldn't find another link. But I wanted to add the link becuase I know several of the people on the list are openly gay, and in long term relationships. One I've met at parties and she and her partner recently married on Cape Cod this summer, in Provincetown. In other words, she's legally married in MA, but not in New Hope, where she selflessly gives her time to work for the town of New Hope as a council member.

The following members of the New Hope Burough Council want the public to know that we support marriage equality and will do all in our power to put pressure on our state senator, state representatives, and Gov. Corbett to change the biased unconstitutional law banning same sex marriage. We are proud members of a town that supports diversity and equal rights for all. We will not stop our pro-active role until Pennsylvania supports marriage equality.

 

 

MensUnderWearStore.Com; New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage; 2004 Marriage License Legal in NM

MensUnderWearStore.Com

I get interesting e-mails all the time from companies all over the world. Some I even like posting about with permission from the companies that send these e-mails. In this case I'm talking about mensunderwearstore.com, where they carry a line of underwear that's different from other places I've seen. The prices are not bad at all, and I own a few pairs myself.

From my inbox:

The MensUnderwearStore.com team of photo experts recently shot Ryan Bertroche on location in St. Louis, MO. A native of Iowa, Ryan broke a sweat and kept things sizzling with his looks that resemble a young Kurt Russell. In addition to modeling the new Calvin Klein Athletic collection, Ryan also wore items from the Under Denim, Dry Touch and Fresh & Bright collections from Diesel.

 Here are a few of Ryan's tasteful photos:







New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage

In order to give you a better perspective about what's been going on in New Hope, where I live, located in southeastern, PA where same sex marriage is still illegal in spite of the SCOTUS ruling, here are a few more links, below. For those who don't know, Tony and I owned an art gallery in New Hope for ten years, and we've lived three miles away from downtown New Hope for over eleven years. Before that, we lived two miles from downtown New Hope in a town house community surrounded with gay neighbors. We've been together for twenty-one years and Tony is a lifelong native of Bucks County, PA. We didn't just move here to live near cookie cutter developments because they look nice. We didn't just move here because the schools are good. We live here because of the fact that there is a large LGBT community. What prompted that move happened while we were living in a more mainstream community about eight miles away, where an eight year old boy living next door to us asked his dad, "Why don't we get Christmas decorations like the two fags next door." We decided that neighborhood wasn't for us.  

This one talks about how Mayor Keller is getting "heat."

New Hope has long been known as one of the most gay-friendly towns in the region, a place where rainbow flags flutter in front of boutique shops and the borough council began passing gay-rights resolutions about a decade ago, well before the recent surge nationwide.

This one is from a a web site called American Family Focus on PA Issues. They are applauding the Mayor of New Hope for refusing to marry gay couples in spite of what most legal experts claim are limited risks to him and to the town of New Hope.

Mayor Keller said that as an elected officials it was his duty to uphold the law. The AFA of PA applauds Mayor Keller’s decision to uphold the law. Even the Borough Council of State College advised their mayor, who had previously said she would perform same-sex “marriages, not to break the law.

As a side note, I don't think Mayor Keller is actually taking sides on the issue, or that he's in any way associated with American Family Focus on PA Issues. As far as I know, and from what I've read, Mayor Keller supports gay marriage. He just isn't willing to take the legal risks that may or may not be involved with marrying gay couples illegally. But I don't think he gets points for just being for gay marriage, not as a community leader, an elected official, and someone the rest of us all look to for guidance and support. The bright, outspoken woman running against Keller this fall claims she will marry gay couples in spite of any risks involved.

2004 Marriage License Legal in NM

Unlike New Hope, PA, where I live, there have been interesting steps taken this week with regard to same sex marriage. Unlike New Hope, where the mayor of a large LGBT population has decided not to marry gay couples because he's unwilling to take the legal risks involved and is more focused on what may or may not happen if he does, the Attorney Gen. in New Mexico claims that same sex marriage licenses issued in 2004 will remain valid and legal for now.The term he used was "presumptively valid."

King delivered the non-binding advice in a letter to the current Sandoval County clerk, who found that some of the 2004 licenses recorded in the clerk’s office were labeled as void or invalid.

King said a county clerk is responsible for issuing marriage licenses but “New Mexico law plainly does not provide county clerks with the rights to invalidate marriages.”

There's always a loophole.

Almost Gay Guys; New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage for ME

Almost Gay Guys

When I read the article to which I'm linking, I had to admit it was the first time I'd really ever seen anything like this spoken about so openly. It deals with men who are mostly straight, but sometimes almost gay, and stuck somewhere in between bi and gay. I know that sounds complicated, but there is validity here. The focus of the article is a young man named Dillon who is interested in women and sometimes men, but is not actually gay, straight, or bisexual.

By his own admission, Dillon says he resides in the “Sexual Netherlands” (his words), a place that exists between heterosexuality and bisexuality. In previous generations, such individuals might have been described as “straight but not narrow,” “bending a little,” and “heteroflexible.”

Dillon is part of a growing trend of young men who are secure in their heterosexuality and yet remain aware of their potential to experience far more—sexual attractions, sexual interactions, crushes, and, occasionally romantic relationships with other guys. Dillon lives these contradictions—seemingly hetero guys who now reject that label, sexual description, and identity.

Although I'm no expert on this topic by any means, I will admit that I've run across guys like Dillon before when I was single. (Actually, I still run into them, especially at weddings for some reason.) I once dated a marine who was very open about his sexuality with me, and he told me up front he was mostly straight. I dated a semi-pro baseball player...I was eighteen he was thirty...and he basically explained his situation as being almost gay, but only sometimes. I know that sounds odd to some people, but they were very nice guys and I found them very simple and easy to be with. In fact, in most cases they were easier to be with than out, openly gay men. Many who have read my novels will notice that I sometimes have characters in my books with men who are like this, and many of those characters were loosely based on my own personal experiences.

The article goes even deeper and it's a very interesting read for those who haven't heard about men like this before. The one part I didn't buy totally was that these guys care more about romance than sex. That was never something I experienced. These guys care about sex. It's not that they aren't romantic at all, but I've never seen that as the main focus. The one thing I can say is that they've always been cool and honest about it, which was actually kind of romantic itself. And these guys can be very adorable under the right conditions.

You can read more here.

New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage for ME

When I read this article late last night, I can't say I was totally shocked. I know many people are because New Hope, PA, (where I live) is such an openly gay friendly tourist town, and has been for many years. We even have our own Gay Pride Festival in May. We have more gay owned establishments than I can count. At one time, we had more gay nightclubs than I can count. New Hope has always been a small gay mecca, like Provincetown, MA. Without apology, it's the reason Tony and I live here.

But I have seen more than a few interesting things living here. There was once a very wealthy woman who owned property and several high end businesses in town. She lived with another woman and we all knew she was a lesbian. But she never came out, and never openly supported the gay community in New Hope. The mayor of New Hope right now, Larry Keller, the one who refuses to perform gay marriages, is middle-aged and has been a confirmed "bachelor" as far as I know all his life. So when I read that this particular mayor will not perform gay marriages for legal reasons, no one had to bring my smelling salts.

In any event, this is what's happening:

Amid the typical discussions about zoning and amplified music at this week’s borough council meeting in New Hope was mention of an Aug. 16 letter from Mayor Larry Keller to council in which he explained the reasons for his declining the recent request “by two gentlemen to officiate their wedding.”

The letter went on to say, “As part of the official duties of the office of the elected mayor of New Hope Borough, I am permitted by law to solemnize marriages between persons who produce a marriage license issued by any County Clerk of Orphans’ Court. This authorization is not mandatory. A Mayor is not obligated to officiate any wedding.

To backtrack a little, I recently posted about how they are issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples in Montgomery County, PA, which is only a few miles away from New Hope.

Even though same sex marriage is still not legal in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, Montgomery County in PA issued marriage licenses to same sex couples today in defiance of the ban on same sex marriage. Tony and I live in Bucks County, PA, which is only a few miles from where the marriage licenses were issued, and it's s significant move for those who issued the licenses and those who obtained them.

The key words above are defiance and ban. It's obvious that in Montgomery County they are intentionally challenging the law in order to push things forward. Pennsylvania is the only mid-Atlantic state that doesn't even have civil unions for same sex couples. And we're tired of it.

What I found most refreshing about the article dealing with New Hope Mayor Keller was this:

Donna Deely, the Democratic contender for Republican Keller’s job in an election scheduled for this November, took it a step further: “If I am elected mayor I will officiate same-sex weddings. I think the risk there is minimal, and it’s the right thing to do, not only because it reflects the current prevailing legal winds and the country is moving in that direction, but also given New Hope’s rich tradition of acceptance. That’s why we chose to live here, and in my heart of hearts, I think it’s the fair and just thing to do.”

Even though there are legalities involved here, sometimes it's important to be on the right side of history in order to make a change. There was a time when people of African descent were not allowed to use the same bathrooms and water fountains as white people. Clearly, Mayor Keller doesn't believe the issue of gay marriage is important enough to take a stand and challenge. And this is in spite of the fact that his business has been supported by the gay dollar for many years, as well as his political ambitions. The most interesting thing here is that Keller is a Republican, and gays here have supported him in spite of that, too.

Now, Mayor Keller does have a history of issues regarding marriage.

Keller’s reluctance to engage in activity that may draw litigation seems to be founded in personal experience: he was questioned some years ago during a politically-charged environment about the propriety of the charitable donation of marriage fees he had collected, a charge he defended “at great personal cost.” Keller said he sought the advice of Borough Solicitor T.J. Walsh in this marriage request, who said “You don’t want to touch this. If he [Hanes] did something they said is illegal, you are going to be an accessory to an illegality.”

I can't find any links to that controversy now, but I do remember it. The issue eventually died down and no one heard a word about it again. However, it's important to note that marrying people is not unusual for mayors, and New Hope is also a destination for many straight couples to get married. Famed author and cook Julia Child and her husband were actually married in Lumberville, a few miles away from New Hope, many years ago. And Mayor Keller has performed marriages for straight couples.

Many are disagreeing with Keller's decision, including attorneys:

David S. Cohen, associate professor of law at Drexel University’s Earle Mack School of Law disagreed. “There is no clear decision from any binding court in Pennsylvania or the Federal court about the state’s marriage law, but officials like Attorney General Kathleen Kane and Montgomery County Clerk Hanes both have decided that the marriage law is unconstitutional. As a law professor and one of the attorneys representing same-sex couples in Montgomery County, I agree wholeheartedly,” said Cohen.

“If the mayor doesn’t want to go along with what the Attorney General and Montgomery County Clerk are doing, he will find himself on wrong side of history,” added Cohen.

Sometimes that's what it all comes down to in the end. And I think it will be interesting to see if Keller holds his ground with this, and, if he gets reelected this November.

Photo here.

Tony and I Moved and It's been the Nightmare of Our Lives Almost Leaving Us Homeless; Ryan Field Books

Tony and I Moved and it's Been the Nightmare of our Lives Almost Leaving Us Homeless

I don't usually post that many personal things about our lives mostly because I don't think they're all that interesting. I've posted about us buying a small condo in Palm Springs, and I've posted about our marriage in Vermont that was actually part of the documentary, The State of Marriage. And of course, I'm always posting about our dogs on social media. But everything else seems kind of dull to post, so I just don't. I'm not a famous author. I haven't sold millions of books. I've only sold thousands of books. 

But this is something that wasn't dull, and it wasn't a whole lot of fun. We bought our home in New Hope in 2002, almost 18 years ago to the day on November 15, 2002, and it was one of the most wonderful times of our lives. We celebrated in that house, we nursed the sick in that house, and I wrote over 150 novels in that house. I'm keeping this short, but you get my point. Never a bad moment...ever. We loved our home. From the first day, it was always home. 

With that said, it wasn't always an easy house. This time of year alone could be difficult with leaves and clean up. We had several acres of land and we did all the landscaping ourselves, without complaint. And of course, we could have continued to do it all right now, but we started to worry about the future and if we'd be able to do all this ourselves. We don't have kids to come and help us out like we've done for our parents. In other words, we thought we were doing the smart, responsible thing by selling our home. 

So we found a buyer and we reluctantly went under contract with our home. Reluctantly, because it was our home and we weren't sure about selling it. After we went under contract, we immediately purchased a house in Palm Springs, CA that we loved. We had seen the house on a trip out to Palm Springs last year and we never dreamed we would be able to live there. We just never thought it would be for sale again. 

Everything started to move along quickly. We started packing and planning for a cross country move and even though we were still reluctant about leaving our home of 18 years, we felt good about this new place. It felt like home to us. There were no bad feelings. 

I'm going to keep this next part short. About 3 weeks ago...only 2 weeks before settlement on our home in New Hope...we received notice from the seller in Palm Springs that he was canceling our contract and that he wasn't selling us his home any longer. We asked our realtor in Palm Springs if there was anything we could do, and he told us there was nothing. Because of COVID, it was taking our buyers in New Hope longer to get a mortgage appraisal and our seller in PS was getting impatient. So he pulled the contract. (Of course, we got the appraisal without any issues a few days later, but it was too late by then.)

We went into panic mode. We weren't sleeping or eating, and we couldn't find any peace. Our wonderful home that we've loved for 18 years was packed up and ready to be sold, and we had nowhere to live. So we phoned our realtor here in New Hope...someone I'm not all that fond of...and told him we wanted to get out of our deal. We said we didn't want to sell our home because we had nowhere to go and we wanted to take our home off the market completely. We figured it's our home and no one can take it from us. It's the place we've loved and cherished for the last 18 years. We truly and honestly figured no one could take that away from us...just like the guy in Palm Springs did to us.  

Well, guess what? We figured wrong. Our realtor here in New Hope...someone I truly can't stand...informed us that if we tried to back out of the deal and not sell our home we could face a lawsuit. We had no choice. We were forced to sell our wonderful home of 18 years and move. And we had to find a place fast otherwise we would wind up homeless. And I am not joking about that. 

I'm not going into any great detail now, but I will write a book about all this in the near future, and I will go into more detail then. I want people to know what can happen to them if they aren't protected and if they aren't working with a good realtor who has their back. Our realtor in Palm Springs, Dale, always has our back and we love him dearly for this. I would trust Dale with my life. But not every realtor is that protective of his/her clients and I wouldn't trust my former realtor in New Hope with anything.  

We ultimately wound up being forced and pushed out of our home against our wishes. I know we thought we wanted to sell, and we thought we had a place to go in Palm Springs. I know we made that choice early on and I'm not making excuses. But when our deal fell through in PS and we had no place to go at all, we changed our minds and didn't want to lose our home. It was our home of 18 years, that we loved and cared about. There should be some kind of law protecting people against that happening. After all, the guy in Palm Springs did this to us and nothing happened to him. But the circumstances were slightly different, which I will get into in more detail eventually. 

Ultimately, we found a home to buy in Lambertville, NJ, which is only about a mile across the Delaware River from New Hope. And we were lucky to get it. It's not a terrible place We're literally only 4 miles away from our wonderful old home where we lived for 18 years, but we could be a million miles away. We did find a nice place, and it's going to be fine temporarily. Now that everything is settling we're both seeing that we made our choices based on serious duress and we won't be living in this place for long. It was a terrible situation to be in, I would not wish that on anyone, and there are people I will never forgive. 

However,  I will get a book out of this, and I will go into a lot more detail. The focus of the book won't be negative. We'll be fine and we'll get through this like troopers. Even though this was pretty bad, Tony and I have been through much worse. The book will be about our experiences of owning our wonderful home in New Hope, and all the love and joy and happiness that we shared there. Writing about all this is one thing I know how to do well and NO ONE can ever take that away from me like they took my home. Pay attention realtors: writers will always get the last word. And hopefully, maybe a few people can learn a few things from our mistakes as well. 

Don't Be Afraid of Virginia's Woolf

Once Upon a Castle by Ryan Field

A Different Kind of Southern Love Story

What readers are saying about "Uncertainty"

Amazon

"A wonderful story that I loved. The characters were well developed, and strong. Gus: A sweet young man. Doing something for all the wrong reasons. Craig: his boyfriend, he'll go along with anything Gus say. Henry: Gus father a no nonsense man, who's husband died last year. I enjoyed this story."

What readers said about "Altered Parts"

"Best Gay Novel In Years. This story will stay with you and you will feel you know every character and the beauty of their home in the mountains of North Carolina."

In paperback or e-book. #gayromance #Wednesday

Altered Parts

 

Chris Rice's The Dinner Party Show; Queen Elizabeth on Gay Marriage; Davey Wavey with Gay Seniors

Chris Rice's The Dinner Party Show

What drew me to this webcast by Christopher Rice was the dinner party theme. I'm not sure what it's like in other areas where there's a heavy concentration of LGBT people, but here in New Hope dinner parties are huge. Everybody has them, even single people. And we take them seriously, too. I know one gay couple who literally takes notes in the kitchen during a dinner party to see what guests are saying, and he keeps a long running dinner party journal (that I'd love to get my hands on) so he knows what was served, when it was served, and who was there. You never serve the same thing twice. And you always try to keep an even number of guests at the dinner table, which means having a few spare single friends around at all times.

Although these dinner parties aren't considered formal events here, there is a certain protocol to follow. Very rarely will you see anything served family style. It's always plated well and there are never less than three courses. We even use the best china (most of us have several sets) and it's worth your while to invest in crystal knife rests...because everyone has them. I love these dinner parties because everyone does things a little differently and you get to see how people entertain. I even love giving them, and I'm not one of those people who go tit for tat with my guest list.  I don't care who invited me last. I just like doing it because I get to catch up with people in a more intimate way.

Basically, it's fun and it's not as stuffy as you would imagine. The conversation at any given dinner party here in New Hope can range from the time Barbra Streisand came to town to the old movie legend, Odette Myrtle, who once lived and owned a business in New Hope. For a long time Sally Jesse Raphael owned a bed and breakfast near New Hope and I was friendly with her personal assistant. The stories he could tell.

And this is why I love Chris Rice's Dinner Party Show. It's comfortable and yet civilized, and you never know what to expect.

The Internet’s first LIVE comedy variety show. Join hosts New York Times bestselling novelists Christopher Rice and Eric Shaw Quinn for a weekly buffet of their deranged special correspondents and celebrity guests.

Here's the link where you can read more and set up a schedule to follow it. There are podcasts, too. I also think this will be the next wave in entertainment as television slowly begins to die out. Web TV is like e-books: it's a little too soon to dominate but it will be the future eventually.

Side note: I've always known Chris Rice as an LGBT writer and I've liked his books. He recently released a hetero erotic romance titled, The Surrender Gate. The info and links are here. 

Queen Elizabeth on Gay Marriage

I've posted more than once about Queen Elizabeth II and how she's supported gay marriage. I've also admitted to being a huge royalist even though I'm an American. And these latest comments from the Queen only reinforce my admiration.

This comes from recently married, Stephen Fry.

The Queen must remain politically neutral and has never spoken publicly about gay marriage, but according to sources who Fry describes as “well-founded,” her royal majesty is all for marriage equality.

“When the Queen signed the Royal Assent for the equal marriages act, allowing gay people to marry for the first time, she put it down and said ‘Well, who’d have thought 62 years ago when I came to the throne, I’d be signing something like this? Isn’t it wonderful?'”

Here's the rest of the piece.

Davey Wavey with Gay Seniors

No. Davey Wavey is not doing gay seniors now. It's not about his sex life with gay seniors. This is a nice video done by Davey Wavey about gay seniors. They talk candidly about their lives, the challenges they've faced, and they even have some advice for younger gay men. Tony and I have always been fortunate enough to have more than a few gay seniors in our lives. When we first started out we learned a great deal about gay relationships and how things work just by observing...advice we couldn't get from family at the time.

And, gay seniors always give the BEST dinner parties.

Vlogger Davey Wavey and the LGBT Community Center of the Desert have teamed up to make this heartwarming video jam-packed with pearls of wisdom from half a dozen or so older gay folks. Our only criticism of the video is that it lacks much ethnic diversity, but other than that, there’s nothing we don’t love about it.

You can watch the video here. 

The Rainbow Detective Agency

Amazon Link 

Kobo Link 

 

 

Gay Marriage in Illinois; Adam Weinstein Great/Scathing Essay

Gay Marriage in Illinois

Illinois is dealing with many of the same issues regarding same sex marriage that we're dealing with here in Pennsylvania. For the most part the issues are all about equality and I don't think anyone pushing for same sex marriage to be legalized everywhere would dispute that as the main issue. Everything else is secondary. However, there are also other small things to consider like the gay dollar, the power of the gay dollar, and boosting a state's economy.

Majority Leader Barbara Flynn Currie sent a letter to all House members earlier this month saying it’s time to approve legislation legalizing same-sex marriage. The letter follows a push in early September by Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak to lure Illinois’ gay couples to wed in Minnesota, which legalized same-sex marriage earlier this year. Attempts to approve legislation have stalled in Illinois; A measure passed the state’s Senate but the House sponsor didn’t call a vote because he said he didn’t have the votes.

“Illinois has been missing out on this economic opportunity long before Minneapolis’ mayor unleashed his advertising campaign in our state,” Currie wrote in the letter released Saturday.

I've posted about Illinois here on the blog before. Frankly, a good deal of the issue is coming down to money in an off-handed way. I heard a group of younger gay men talking about New Hope, PA, this weekend, where the mayor of New Hope refused to marry same sex couples recently, and they brushed off going to New Hope for the weekend without even thinking twice as a result of the mayor's decision.

You can read more here.

Adam Weintstein Great/Scathing Essay

Adam Weinstein is a career writer and he has written pieces for publications I often link to here, like Mother Jones and the Village Voice. And he's recently written what many are calling a scathing essay that slams those who think his generation is lacking something...for lack of a better way to phrase that. I actually tend to agree with him, and on all the points he makes.

Last weekend my baby had a fever, and we contemplated taking him to the ER, and my first thought was - had to be - “Oh God, that could wipe out our savings! Maybe he can just ride it out?” Our status in this Big Financial Game had sucked my basic humanity towards my child away for a minute. If I wish for something better, is that me simply being entitled and delusional?

I don't know how anyone could even try to dispute that paragraph. If you can dispute it, you're coming from a place of huge privilege and you should remain silent and thank your lucky stars. I don't know many younger people who aren't facing that very same issue. I even argued about this very same topic with Tony last week in the car on our way to a function. In the 1970's when I was a little kid you could still go to the dentist and it was affordable. Or even the veterinarian. Nowadays one quick trip to the dentist or the vet and it's the same as a down payment for a new car. I honestly don't know how younger people are doing it these days.  

You can read more here. It's a great essay. From what I've seen in other places, he's had over 700,000 hits.

My Own Memoir and Gay Couples Buying Homes in the 90s, Ryan Field Books

My Own Memoir and Gay Couples Buying Homes in the 90s

About a month ago Tony and I sold our wonderful home of 18 years, and it was a less than thrilling experience for us. Actually, it was pure hell. Everything went well financially, and we are grateful for that. However, emotionally it gutted us. I'm not getting into that now. I posted all about that, here. We are still very unhappy with the move and we will list our new home for sale with a realtor very soon. Even though the new house is only about 5 miles away from the old house, it's not the same. It's just wrong for us. After that, I believe we'll head out to Palm Springs, CA full-time, permanently. 

With all that said, we're moving forward as best we can, with positive attitudes. Sometimes life happens and that's the best you can do. And I decided to write a memoir about our experiences as a gay couple buying and selling real estate. I'm not sure whether or not anyone will want to read it. I've written over 150 published works of fiction, but never non-fiction. But my goal is to create a non-fiction story, in a general sense, without being too self-indulgent. Our former home, the one we just sold in New Hope, was very different in so many ways. And we had very unusual experiences there. No matter where I live from now until the end of my life, that will always be home. 

In any event, owning a home has always been important to us. And when we found our home in New Hope it was a blessing. As a gay couple who lived through the 1990s we have very real reasons for feeling this way, too. I think any gay couple can relate to this first part of the memoir. 

This is from the preface of the memoir. I normally wouldn't even write a preface, I normally despise prefaces, but I thought it was important this time. 

Preface

In the late fall of 1998, when Tony and I were together for about 6 years, we were outside in front of our cookie-cutter townhouse on a cul-de-sac called Spruce Court putting up Christmas lights just like everyone else had been doing that week. We were laughing and joking and trying to untangle lights and we didn’t have a care in the world. My biggest concern was what new shirt I would wear to the gay bar on Saturday night. 

It was the week after Thanksgiving and a few of our neighbors already had their lights up and we didn’t want to be the last ones left. We’d already put up our Christmas tree inside on Thanksgiving weekend. Together we framed the front window with little white lights, placed a perfectly round evergreen wreath on the front door, and set a festive green spotlight about 10 feet away from the front entrance so it would shine on the wreath after dark.

            We’d been decorating for Christmas this way for the last 5 years and never gave it a second thought. This cookie-cutter townhouse community was located in Newtown, Pennsylvania where everyone seemed gay friendly, and tolerant. Even back then it was considered an affluent little suburban community located about halfway between New York City and Philadelphia. Although we were never embraced with warmth and great friendships by anyone on Spruce Court, we didn’t feel as if we were in any way being discriminated against. And we felt safe.

              When everything was ready, Tony went to plug in the green spotlight that afternoon so I could step back and see if it was shining on the door. While he was up next to the front door where the outlet was located, the next-door neighbor’s little boy said, “Hey daddy, can we get a green spotlight just like the two fags next door?”

            The little boy was only about 6 years old. He pointed directly at me with a great big smile and I just stood there gaping in his direction with wide eyes. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t look at Tony so I don’t even know what he was doing. The father had been putting up his own Christmas lights. He ran over to the little boy, scooped him up in his arms, and rushed him into the house before he could say another word. That was it. No explanations; no apologies. Even though we lived right next door I never saw them up close again.

            The next morning we quickly removed all the Christmas decorations we’d put up and phoned a gay friend of ours who was a realtor. We listed the townhouse on Spruce Court that Monday and started packing. This was the home where we’d spent the early years of our relationship. We held our first dinner parties there, and our first large parties. This was where we learned how to adult in real life. And now it was time to leave.

            Tony and I both knew it was time to move on and time to improve the quality of our gay lives by surrounding ourselves with other gay couples. We only had each other and a snarky 8-year-old black and white tuxedo cat named Nittany who only ate Friskies Ocean Whitefish and found it amusing to bite anyone who tried to pet her. This was the 1990s and there was no talk of legalized gay marriage, no talk of equality, and gay men were still dying from AIDS. The HIV drugs were just coming out and we were all still practicing safe sex. We were also going to gay bars and patronizing gay establishments because that’s where we felt the most comfortable. That’s where we felt safe and where we could be ourselves. So Tony and I chose to move to the small gay-friendly town of New Hope, PA because it had always been known as a gay destination point and there were plenty of gay establishments there.

            Even though the townhouse on Spruce Court was only 6 miles away from New Hope, it could have been a million miles away in all other respects. And we knew this already. The townhouse in Newtown was surrounded by young heteronormative couples and family restaurants filled with children. In contrast, New Hope had 3 well known gay bars with restaurants that served children well done on the menus. If we were ever going to improve the quality of our lives as gay people, we had to make this move. We knew exactly what we were doing and we never had a single regret.

            After we listed the townhouse on Spruce Court for sale, we spent 10 agonizing months trying to find a buyer. We were thrilled when our realtor...a gay friend named Dan...finally found a nice young straight couple with 2-year-old twin girls. Tony and I immediately went under contract with a new townhouse in New Hope, which was surrounded by other long term gay couples we’d already known for a few years, including our best friend, Stephen.

            Stephen stood 5 feet tall and had a personality that was 10 feet tall. He cursed, he smoked, he drank too many vodka stingers, and he took far too many chances in the stock market. He drove a massive Mercedes Benz that he’d named Buttercup. Never a day went by when he didn’t make me laugh. He had recently lost his life partner, Charles, and he’d sold his single-family home with 10 acres of property and scaled back to a townhouse. We’d been friendly with Stephen and Charles for about 10 years and I spoke to Stephen at least once a day on the telephone. Sometimes we just called to check in on one another. There didn’t have to be a reason; we were family.

            Stephen had been with Charles for over 40 years and he’d taken Charles’s death very hard. Tony and I knew how hard he took it because were there for Stephen every step of the way. From the funeral to the move to a townhouse, we saw how deeply and sincerely Stephen grieved for his lost partner and we did whatever we could for him. I’d never seen anyone so completely devastated that way before.

            This should have been one of the best times of our lives, and then Stephen died suddenly only 3 days before we were supposed to move. I believe he died from a broken heart, still grieving for Charles. He was much older than us and they said he suffered a massive heart attack in his sleep. We were stunned. We walked around staring down at the floor and functioning in a robotic way for days. So many laughs and good times had come to an end. And the timing couldn’t have been worse. We went to Stephen’s funeral on a Tuesday and moved the next morning on a Wednesday. I remember a week before Stephen died we were talking about the move and he said to me, “You’re going to have completely different lives now.” I had no idea how true that would be. Without my best friend Stephen, my life completely changed. For months, I kept getting the urge to phone him every day but there was no one to phone anymore.

            In spite of the tragic circumstances, we learned how to heal in the townhome in New Hope and we learned how to carry on with our lives. What began as a dismal experience turned into something that left us with comfort and laughs and some of the best memories of our lives. But most of all, we were surrounded by other gay couples and we didn’t have to worry about what people were thinking or saying behind our backs. We were no longer the fags with the green spotlight on the cul-de-sac. And even though I knew we were not going to live there forever, I vowed to myself I would never go back to a heteronormative place like Spruce Court again.

                The problem was that I didn’t know that a home could actually take on a life and a personality of its own. I was young and I didn’t realize that a home could become an extension of a human being. At least that’s the only way I know how to describe it. And most of all, I didn’t know that moving from Spruce Court would begin one of the most unusual journeys of my entire life.

Don't Be Afraid of Virginia's Woolf

Once Upon a Castle by Ryan Field

A Different Kind of Southern Love Story

What readers are saying about "Uncertainty"

Amazon

"A wonderful story that I loved. The characters were well developed, and strong. Gus: A sweet young man. Doing something for all the wrong reasons. Craig: his boyfriend, he'll go along with anything Gus say. Henry: Gus father a no nonsense man, who's husband died last year. I enjoyed this story."

What readers said about "Altered Parts"

"Best Gay Novel In Years. This story will stay with you and you will feel you know every character and the beauty of their home in the mountains of North Carolina."

In paperback or e-book. #gayromance #Wednesday

Altered Parts

Gay Film "I Do;" Marriage; David W. Ross

We used to have a fantastic indie video store in New Hope that always had plenty of gay indie films that closed about four years ago, so when I spotted the gay film, "I Do," with David W. Ross on Verizon on demand last night I rented it without even looking at the previews.

And I wasn't disappointed this time. The basic plot revolves around a nice looking British guy, David W. Ross, who has been living and working in New York since he was seventeen years old. The only family he has left are his brother and sister-in-law. I'll stop there, because I don't want to give out any spoilers. But as the film progresses the British guy finds himself fighting the INS in order to remain in the US. He ultimately decides to marry his best lesbian friend in order to get a green card. Then when he least expects it, he falls in love with a guy he meets at a party...who happens to be a legal US citizen but is also from Spain.

The plot is actually much more complicated than what I'm stating now, and as I said I don't want to give out any spoilers. But the issue of gay marriage comes into play because the gay British guy falls in love with a guy he wants to marry, who happens to be a legal US citizen and a legal citizen of Spain, but he can't marry him because gay marriage is not legal in the US.

They mention gay marriage being legal in New York, and I think they did this on purpose. The fact that gay marriage is legal in the state of New York is absolutely worthless in this case, just as it is worthless in many other aspects in all states where gay marriage is legal. It's great on an emotional level, but when it comes down to the pragmatic issues in life we all face eventually it leaves gay couples with very little protection. Because the US government will not recognize a same sex marriage, the character in the film is unable to get a green card if he married a man he loved anywhere in the US. The key word here is federal.

This is just one reason why I say I'm happy but I'm not jumping up and down whenever gay marriage is passed on a state level. Until same sex marriage is legal on a federal level gay men like the guys in the film, "I Do," are still going to face the challenges of inequality on life changing levels. I actually know a couple in Florida where something exactly like this happened to them. They now reside in Germany.

In this film, even though I won't say what happens, the British guy is left with two options. He can remain in the US and marry a woman and pretend to love her so he can get his green card. Or he can leave the country, go to Spain with the man he loves, and live there where gay marriage is supposedly legal.

It's an interesting film to view, especially right now with SCOTUS ready to hand down rulings this week on same sex marriage. I have no idea what to predict at this point.

As a side note, David W. Ross is excellent in the film...he starred in it and he wrote it. And, this is a film about gay men, written by a gay man, starring a gay man for those who are interested in the details. I'll watch it again many times.

You can follow Ross on facebook, here.

David W. Ross is an English musician and actor. After moving to London at the age of 17 and seeking work as a film extra, his photo was spotted by Ian Levine, a boy band producer, and Ross was signed to A&M Records U.K., as one of the four members of Bad Boys Inc. The group released one self-titled album, which spawned five hit singles, including the Top 10 smash "More to This World".

Photo attribution here