Activists and Gay Marriage Decision; The Relentlessly Gay Yard; New Era For Gay Rights

Activists and Gay Marriage Decision

I hope everyone realizes that SCOTUS is going to rule on whether or not gay marriage should be legal across the board, this month. Most people who understand the constitution believe it's unconstitutional to deny same sex couples legal marriage. This is why I was never in favor of people voting on things like this. I don't want my civil rights determined by the average person in the US the same way I wouldn't want the rights of a Christian conservative to be determined by the average person. The is why we have a constitution.

In any event, here's an article that talks about how activists are preparing for the SCOTUS ruling.

New Mexico Pastor Steve Smothermon says he is ready to go to jail to protect his religious freedom. And he is not the only one.

Smothermon is one of more than 50,000 people who have signed a pledge to engage in social disobedience if the U.S. Supreme Court issues a ruling this month that would legalize same sex marriage across the country.

"We want to help people, but we are not going to be forced by the government and society or the politically correct to say we are going to believe in it," said Smothermon, senior pastor of Legacy Church in Albuquerque. "If they said, 'Listen pastor, we are going to put you in jail if you don't honor this.' I am going to say, 'Then put me in jail.' "

What can you say to that? Put him in jail then.

You can read the rest here. It's an interesting article that goes into more detail about the history of same sex marriage and how it has been handled by both political parties over the years. And things seem to be constantly changing.

Growing support for same sex marriage among young Republicans, polling data and the fact it is already legal in 37 states and the District of Columbia is enough for some in the party to say it is time to let the issue go.

The Relentlessly Gay Yard

This is where I have to wonder about gay news publications. I saw this in one online gay publication and didn't know it went this far into detail. Evidently, a straight woman's yard in Baltimore has been dubbed "relentlessly gay" and neighbors want her to tone it down...or else. Yes, a straight woman was targeted for having a yard that is too gay. 

After the woman was threatened by neighbors she posted the note and it's receive a lot of attention. 

Then she started a gofundme campaign seeking $5,000 dollars for more rainbow yard ornaments and she's received $12,000 so far.

Needless to say... I need more rainbows... Many, many more rainbows….
So, I am starting this fundraiser so I can work to make my Home even More "relentlessly gay" If we go high enough, I will see if I can get a Rainbow Roof!
Because my invisible relentlessly gay rainbow dragon should live up there in style!

You can check that out here.  

Only one comment from me. Before Tony and I lived in a private home, we lived in a town house community for the first ten years we were together. There were HOA rules that everyone had to follow. Strict rules. I'm talking Catholic school rules. Those rules ranged from having ONLY tan umbrellas outside to approval of all landscaping. You couldn't put up colored Christmas lights, only white lights. As far as I know there is no HOA in this woman's neighborhood so maybe the neighbors that find her yard art offensive should move to places that police these things.

New Era For Gay Rights

A lot of people think that if SCOTUS rules in favor of legalizing same sex marriage all of our problems are over. However, there is a lot to consider.

There are a number of ongoing realities to take into account. There is no federal law protecting L.G.B.T. Americans against discrimination in employment, housing, or public accommodation. That means that, in some places, they can be legally married but then legally fired for doing so. The prevalence of serious health issues and homelessness among L.G.B.T. youth remains disproportionately high. And the global human-rights abuses against L.G.B.T. people are, of course, staggering.

The rest is here. It's an interesting article that takes what you already know to another level. I don't always link the the New Yorker because I often find them too elitist...pee elegant...for my own taste. However, this mentions a few interesting points that everyone should know.

American Star

Smashwords

American Star II

Smashwords

Marriage Update; Thin Matt Bomer; Debbie Reynolds Loves Gays

 

Photo: The photo is in the public domain, and no, that's not the book review team from Dearauthor.com on the way to BEA. It's a still with Debbie Reynolds from the film, The Affairs of Dobie Gillis.


Marriage Update

There's so much going on right now I think these abbreviated stories that link to longer pieces help people keep up with what's going on with issues like gay marriage. Behind the scenes, there are people working hard in all states to push this forward so all gay couples in all states can achieve equality. In some cases, others are rushing to keep gay couples from becoming equal.

In Oregon, a gay judge said no to The National Organization of Marriage (NOM) so they can't intervene in defense of Oregon's same sex marriage ban.

McShane, who is openly gay, held a hearing on two consolidated lawsuits challenging the constitutionality of the ban.
Read more: http://www.towleroad.com/#ixzz31nBjy6nU

NOM is going to appeal.

They've been busy in Idaho, too.

Idaho Governor Butch Otter is also on his way to the Ninth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals. Otter is appealing the decision Wednesday by Chief U.S. Magistrate Judge Candy Dale to deny his request that she stay her decision striking the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.
Read more: http://www.towleroad.com/#ixzz31nCV64Y5

And in Arkansas, the state Supreme Court turned down the Attorney General's request for a stay on a ruling that two state laws on same sex marriage are unconstitutional.

The high court said that, for procedural reasons, the supreme court does not yet have jurisdiction. Responding to the attorney general’s argument that county clerks around the state are uncertain as to whether they should issues licenses or wait for the results of an appeal, the supreme court noted that Judge Chris Piazza’s ruling said nothing about a separate Arkansas law “and its prohibitions against circuit and county clerks issuing same-sex marriage licenses.”
Read more: http://www.towleroad.com/#ixzz31nDUXlna

In Los Angeles, the executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Center spoke about ENDA and religion.

“Religious freedom does not include the freedom to oppress other people. These kinds of fundamentalist forces are behind efforts to gut what laws we do have in this country that protect LGBT people from discrimination….Even our own Employment Non-Discrimination Act—the only federal law currently being proposed to protect LGBT people—includes a broad religious exemption. It was put into ENDA eight years ago, expressly to weaken it. It does not belong there today.” Former NGLTF Executive Director Matt Foreman said Monday he thinks LGBT leaders should “pull the plug” on the current version of ENDA, saying it is “essentially a lifeless corpse.”

Read more: http://www.towleroad.com/#ixzz31nF4dmqr

And this piece about South Carolina is very interesting. Evidently, funding was cut for books at two public universities that show positive gay images, in the amount of $70,000. But that funding was recently restored with the stipulation that the money go toward teaching about the constitution and "founding documents."

I actually don't totally disagree with that one. One, I'm not sure exactly what they consider positive gay images and I might no agree with what they do consider positive. That's highly relative. Two, I personally think there are too many fools in colleges won't don't know enough about the constitution or anything related to American History. If they knew a little more than maybe they'd vote a little wiser.

Frankly, I would be happy just to see no books with negative gay images.

Thin Matt Bomer

In more news about the upcoming HBO film, The Normal Heart, Ryan Murphy claims he was upset when he saw how thin Matt Bomer got for his role in the film. The Normal Heart is a play about AIDS by Larry Kramer.

'I would say,"Please get your blood checked! ... I was nervous,' Murphy admitted in an interview this week on HuffPost Live.

Murphy arrived on the set the first day back after the break and saw an emaciated Bomer getting a haircut.

'When I saw him, I was emotional. I was very upset,' he said. 'We were all concerned. We would check on him every five minutes. Matt was just so physically weak. Je had to sit in the same place between lighting set-ups just so that his energy could be brought out in the performance. It was a very moving thing to witness.'

I'm not sure how emotional I would get if I saw any actor lose extra weight, especially one who is getting paid very well. A few good meals and he'll pack those pounds back on soon enough. But maybe that's because I've witnessed, first hand and up close, the fresh hells of people in full blown AIDS, with PCP, IRIS, and all those other AIDS complications that have nothing to do with going on a diet to lose weight to get paid huge money to play AIDS.

Sorry, I take that topic very seriously. And I don't like it when Hollywood blows smoke up my butt. Bomer will be just fine. Ryan Murphy should have given him a Lorna Doone.

There are better ways to show that Matt Bomer was doing an excellent job acting in that role and playing a person with AIDS.

Debbie Reynolds Loves Gays

And blood is red.

'I have always since 1948 hired dancers and creative people who were gay,' says the 82-year-old icon. 'They are like my children.'

'I didn't know anything about why it had to be why we are different. I was probably like everyone else, no knowledge about we are born this way. I had to learn and I have learned. You have to want to learn to get rid of your prejudices. You can't want to stay that way.'

I don't mean to sound cynical. I understand Reynolds comes from a generation where gays were not discussed openly, and I also respect her for all the things she's done and been through in her life. I actually read her autobiography a while back and I think it was one of the best, most honest, non-fic books I've ever read. She's far more than what you would expect, and she's no one's fool.

I just hope she still loves me when I eventually write my m/m erotic romance movie tie-in novel titled, Banging in the Rain.

You can read more here.

Smoking Makes You Gay; Oregon Baker No Gay Cakes; E-books Rise

Smoking Makes You Gay

I figured this would happen sooner or later. I only wish I'd posted about it so I could link back now. It seems some genius in Amsterdam did another brilliant "study" and is claiming, according to "research says," women who smoke are more likely to give birth to gay children. Actually, he claims it's lesbians, if there are amphetamines involved, too.

Dick Swaab, professor of neurobiology at Amsterdam Biology, claims a woman’s lifestyle while pregnant can have an impact on the development of their babies.

He suggested if they live a stressful life, take drugs, drink or smoke can lower a child’s IQ and ‘influence’ the sexuality.

He also claims stress can do this, and even better, men with older brothers are more likely to be gay.

You can read more here.

My mom never smoked, and was never placed in situations where she was exposed to cigarette smokers for any length of time. There are four siblings in my family: three brothers, one sister. The sister is straight, two brothers are gay. And the youngest brother is straight. My mom also never smoked, drank, or took illegal drugs but has been diagnosed with cancer three times.

I guess now they can some up with yet another way to tax cigarettes based on this Dick study.


Oregon Baker No Gay Cakes

Update: The state of Oregon has determined Sweet Cakes by Melissa's policy was illegal. A local newspaper placed cake orders for events that were far from religious and the owner of the bakery accepted them all, one of which included a cake for a celebration of some kind of pagan ritual. You can read it in full, here. The fact that this bakery would take orders for things that obviously should have gone against their religious beliefs, but turned down a gay wedding cake, is as sad as it is amusing.

I've posted about establishments that refused to make wedding cakes for gay couples, here, or have refused their services to gay couples. And there's another winner in Oregon who is following the same pattern. This one is really using religion and spirituality to promote discrimination and hate, and according to this link she's been open about it on Facebook.

In her latest Facebook post, Melissa Klein thanked supporters for their prayers and wrote: 'I feel such a peace with all of this that is going on. Even though there are days that are hard and times of struggle we still feel that the Lord is in this. It is His fight and our situation is in His hands.'

 

You can read more here.

 

The two women who were refused their services have filed a complaint, the state checked it out, and they are all going to settlement talks.

 

The baker thinks her religious freedom is being violated. How gay people getting married is in any way stopping her from practicing her faith doesn't even make sense. In the quest for equal rights and legalized same sex marriage I have yet to hear one single supporter speak out against religious freedom.

 

E-books Rise

 

This is an interesting article worth reading because it makes a few claims that don't actually seem to make sense...or are not backed up well enough to make sense. First, it states e-books are rising in popularity, but that most people are reading both print and e-books. Second, it claims that only 4% are reading e-books only. The problem I have with this is that I have yet to meet anyone who started reading e-books who actively went back to reading print books, too...at least not in equal intervals. I'm not talking about someone who reads e-books and once in a while for various pragmatic reasons (someone gives you a gift) goes back to reading a print book once in a while. I'm talking about people who have invested a lot of money in an e-reader or a tablet in order to save money on digital books. But I could be wrong about that. I just haven't met anyone who does this. Typically, when someone starts reading e-books they become so in love with it they only go back to print books when it's absolutely necessary.

 

This didn't make sense to me either:

 

According to the survey, the “typical American adult” read or listened to 5 books in the past year, and the average for all adults was 12 books.

 

I'd like to know what they consider a "typical American adult." I don't think most Americans read five books a year. And the average is even more questionable.  

 

It's a very confusing article and study, but I do agree with the fact they state that e-books seem to spark a rise in reading in a general sense. The most interesting thing about e-books is that once you start reading them you become eager to read even more. And no one can complain about that. I saw no mention of reading on iPhones, which is primarily how I, and a lot of other people I know, read now.

 

You can read more here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Madonna's Racial Slur; Jeff Kaufman: The State of Marriage

Madonna's Racial Slur

I almost hate putting up a title like that because I don't for one single minute think Madonna Ciccone is in any way a racist. But an exchange between Maddona and her son, Rocco, on Instagram shows her using the N-word and it's done in a way that leans more toward cultural endearment than racially charged slur.

Madonna is apologizing for using a racial slur to refer to her white son on Instagram.

On Friday night, she posted a picture of her 13-year-old son Rocco boxing and used a hashtag that contained a variation of the n-word.

When fans objected, she defiantly called them haters, but in a statement to The Associated Press on Saturday she was contrite, saying: "Forgive me."

I've posted about the Q-word...Queer...a few times and how I'm not too thrilled with it because of the associations. But I do know, both intellectually and emotionally, that the people who use the Q-word, as in LGBTQ...for the most part are not making gay slurs, they are not anti-gay, and for them it's more of a political statement. I never take offense. The same thing could be said for the N-word with respect to context. I don't use it. But I know there are people who do use it and they mean no racial harm. It's all about context.

You can read more here.

Jeff Kaufman: The State of Marriage

I was speaking to film producer, Jeff Kaufman, on the phone the other day and he mentioned he was heading to the Sundance Film Festival this weekend. I can't say why I was speaking to him yet, but I will next week. But I'm also posting about Kaufman because he's working on a documentary right now about same sex marriage and equal rights. And this is just one of his projects, among others like, The Savoy King, that has garnered more than a few excellent reviews.

I also realized I don't post enough about indie films, at least not as much as I do about indie books and authors, and most of the films Tony and I watch are actually indies.

Thanks perhaps to a life that was painfully brief in comparisonto peers like Duke Ellington, Swing Era bandleader Chick Webb is underappreciated by casual music lovers. Jeff Kaufman's enjoyable, convincing The Savoy King seeks to remedy that, and will likely draw some attention solely for the startling lineup of actors providing voice-over talent. Though unlikely to see many big-screen bookings outside the fest circuit, the doc is rewarding for any Swing fan and, given some colorful and heartstring-pulling elements, will likely inspire filmmakers in the audience to wonder about biopic rights.

You can read more here. And you can read more here about Jeff Kaufman and Floating World Pictures. The documentary he's doing is titled, The State of Marriage, and that second link will lead you directly to that page.

More to come on The State of Marriage very soon.

Phineas Swann-Our Vermont Wedding; 12 Year Old Boy in Utah Fights for Marriage

Phineas Swann-Our  Vermont Wedding

In December, Tony and I got engaged and we celebrated with a few very close friends and kept it very small and quiet. But we did make plans for a wedding later this month, at one of the first Inns in Vermont where gay weddings started taking place from what I gather. We did this for several reasons. One, we've been to a lot of places but never to Vermont. In fact, it's the only state in New England we've never set foot in and we've both always wanted to go. Two, we did consciously choose this place for the historical significance and because it's in Vermont. And that's not something we do often. But in this case, and because we're keeping it small, we both wanted to do something special. After all, it's been a twenty-one year engagement and we still won't be legally married when we return to our own home state after the wedding...Pennsylvania.

We could have gone to New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, or even New York. But this place sounded so nice. And the owners are just wonderful.

I still don't have the exact dates, but it will be at the end of this month. I spoke with the owner of Phineas Swann today and explained we've been dealing with family issues and she was more than willing to work with us...and around our dates. This place is also very pet friendly, and both our dogs will be coming with us.

In any event, here's some info about Phineas Swann. There's a photo of another gay couple at the bottom. This is the page dedicated to wedding information:

The Phineas Swann Bed and Breakfast Inn is the perfect place to celebrate your intimate Vermont wedding - we specialize in elopement packages and small to medium size weddings of up to 75 guests. Intimate weddings for both straight and gay couples are our specialty!

At the Phineas Swann Bed and Breakfast Inn, we believe your Vermont wedding should reflect your personal style, so we offer several choices for your wedding event. Call our wedding coordinator Lynne at (802) 326-4306 and learn more!

I will definitely be posting more, and with photos.

12 Year Old Boy in Utah Fights for Marriage

I've been following what's been happening in Utah with gay marriage and posting about it here. There's a page full of posts with links. And now there's news of a 12 year old boy in Utah who is out there actively supporting, and fighting for, the rights of his two moms.

"I'm here today to talk about love, family and equal rights," Hackford-Peer told the cheering crowd. "Some people do not believe that I'm from a loving family because my moms are gay -- they are wrong. I love my moms, and my moms love me and my brother, unconditionally."

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling as if I've been gutted when I read things like this. On the one hand I think this kid is spectacular, and on the other it kills me to see him even having to do something like this. To defend what most people just take for granted is painful to see.

You can read more here.

Hawaiian Gay Votes Against Gay Marriage; Indy Mayor Against Marriage Ban

Hawaiian Gay Votes Against Gay Marriage

One of Hawaii's openly gay representatives, Jo Jordan, made history this week by being the first openly gay person in power to actually vote against marriage equality in Hawaii in what has often been a contentious fight at best. The reason why she voted against the bill is not because she's anti-same sex marriage. It's really because she isn't certain the law is as strong as it should be and as a legislator her solitary goal is to create an absolute law that can't be challenged down the line.

“I’m not here to protect the big churches or the little churches, I’m saying we can’t erode what’s currently out there. We don’t want to scratch at the religious protections at all, because if we don’t create a measure that’s bulletproof, or as close to bulletproof as possible, then the measure will go to the courts. And they will interpret it however that may be. A judge will make assumptions and make a ruling, and that will become the law of the land. So you really want us to create the legislation.”

As anyone can imagine, Jo Jordon has not been all that popular with the LGBT community for obvious reasons. I'm not even sure how to comment on this one. I would imagine that if a few other LGBT people in power agreed with Jordon and backed her up it might sound less extreme. However, right now same sex marriage is about to pass in Hawaii in spite of Jordon's protests, and Hawaii will then become the 16th state to have legalized same sex marriage.

I guess only time will tell if she was right or wrong.

Here's another article about Hawaii, and why this bill is so significant in Hawaii. I didn't know the fight for same sex marriage actually began in Hawaii years ago.

But the step in Hawaii has special resonance because the contemporary battle over same-sex marriage was born here two decades ago. Such marriages existed nowhere when Ninia Baehr and Genora Dancel, along with two other couples, filed what seemed like an utterly quixotic lawsuit seeking a marriage license. To near universal shock, Hawaii’s Supreme Court granted them a victory in 1993, ruling that a refusal to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry was discriminatory and illegal.

I'm not really surprised that I don't remember this. To be perfectly honest, I'd already been with Tony for a full year in 1993 and at the time actual legal marriage was not even on our proverbial radar. In other words, we didn't think that way because we had been conditioned to not think that way. And people like is basically did the best we could with circumstances we didn't even know we could change.

Indy Mayor Against Marriage Ban

The Mayor of Indianapolis, Greg Ballard, came out publicly against Indiana's gay marriage ban and he signed a resolution to prove it. As it stands now, in Indiana marriage is between one man and one woman, and now conservative groups want to make this even stronger by creating a measure that would make it even more difficult to legalize gay marriage there.

Indiana already limits marriage to being between one man and one woman. Indiana lawmakers are set to consider amending that definition into the state constitution during the upcoming session.
If successful, the measure would then be placed on the ballot for consideration by voters next November.

They also want to leave it up to voters, much like Gov. Chris Christie wanted to do in NJ recently.

If successful, the measure would then be placed on the ballot for consideration by voters next November.

The problem with leaving something like this up to voters is that anyone who is anti-gay and doesn't want to see LGBT people have the same equal rights as everyone else gets to decide the rights of innocent people and that's just not fair. I personally don't want a Christian bible thumping zealot deciding my fate, just as that same Christian bible thumping zealot would not want ME deciding his or her fate.

What is highly interesting about this whole thing with Greg Ballard, at least it is to me, is that Ballard is a Republican mayor, and yet he is still against a marriage ban. Ballard has also been a guest, in a front row seat, at a gay wedding.

When Democratic councilor Zach Adamson recited his wedding vows at a multi-faith ceremony in Indianapolis last weekend, Republican Mayor Greg Ballard and wife Winnie were there in the front row to witness it.

Adamson and his long-time partner Christian Mosburg had gotten legally married in Washington, D.C. on Oct. 19, but they returned to Indiana — where same sex marriage is banned — last weekend to repeat their vows.

You can read more here.

As a side note, I'll be posting something brief about New Hope Mayor, Larry Keller, very soon with the recent results of the local election. I posted about how Mayor Keller refused to marry a gay couple here in PA last month in several places. His decision started local firestorm that probably won't end for a long, long time.

Refused Gay Wedding at Texas Establishment

Refused gay wedding at Texas establishment

With the recent SCOTUS ruling regarding same sex marriage, a lot of new issues have been popping up, some of which can only be expected, unfortunately. Like certain businesses refusing to hold gay weddings, or bake wedding cakes for same sex marriages.

KFOX 14 reports that Monico Ramirez and Jonathan Luna had planned to book El Paso's Grace Gardens for their forthcoming reception. But as soon as the venue's staff found out Ramirez and Luna were a same-sex couple, the pair says they were told it was a no-go.

This particular case gets a little more complicated and it becomes a case of he said she said, but this isn't the first time same sex couples have been refused, and I doubt it will be the last.

Meanwhile, earlier this week, two gay men in Iowa who sought a wedding reception venue were reportedly turned away by the owners of Gortz Haus in Grimes, who argued they had a right to turn away same-sex couples because of their faith and religious convictions.

So, same sex couples are going to have to vet where they plan to wed and celebrate to avoid embarrassing, degrading situations like this. But I think this statement by Jonathan Luna bothered me the most in the article.

"They made me feel bad because there was another couple there, but they were a normal couple, and they gave them the packages and everything. We really wanted it to be there, but they refused the services for us."

My heart goes out to these guys. I don't think there is an LGBT person on earth who doesn't know and understand that kind of hurt. But Luna and the rest of us have to stop thinking of ourselves as not being "normal" like the other couple to which he refers. We are just as normal, and we deserve to be treated just like everyone else.

You can read more here.

Spike Lee Kickstarter Fail; Oxford Dictionary Adds Gay Marriage; UK Same Sex Relationships

Spike Lee Kickstarter Fail

They are saying that this summer has been the worst in years for feature films, and box office sales are down record levels in some cases. It's not completely dismal, and some things are working, but that seems to be thanks to the biggest stars that always seem to draw people into the theaters, not the content of the films. I know that when I see Greg Kinear's name on a film, I'm going to like it.

This is telling, and a sign of the times. It's been happening in publishing for the last five years:

But the movies are undergoing yet another period of transformation. With the increasing appeal of cable and digital entertainment, and the bottoming-out of the home video market, Hollywood has tried to lure moviegoers with bigger (and more expensive) 3-D extravaganzas.

As usual, there's rebellion in the works from filmmakers who feel marginalized by the studios' shrinking purview. Spike Lee on Monday announced that he would seek financing for his next feature film through the online crowd-sourcing site Kickstarter.

People are spending thousands of dollars to design custom home theaters and they either stream or buy/rent on demand now. Tony and I haven't watched a DVD or a video in ages. We either stream or rent on demand. Most of the people I know do the same thing.

But that line about Spike Lee and kickstarter bothers me. I've been a supporter of kickstarter before, in many cases. I think that it's a great way for "starving" artists to get a jumpstart and prove to the world they have talent and that talent always wins out in the end. I've even contributed to a few projects. But when I see people like Spike Lee taking hard earned money from people who haven't got a fraction of what he's worth, it really irritates me. In other words, mortgage the mansion, spend and invest your own money, and back your own projects, Spike. That's what I do with my indie books, because it wouldn't feel right taking money from people that way to me. In other words, Spike, put your OWN money where big your mouth is.

These Hollywood people who have started hocking people on kickstarter really bothers me to no end. It's as if they have this sense of entitlement, and it's changing my opinion of kickstarter. There's an old saying that goes something like this, and it reminds me of Spike Lee begging for money: He cried poor mouth with two loaves of bread under each arm.

Oxford Dictionary Adds Gay Marriage

I'd heard that the Oxford English Dictionary was thinking about revising and adding gay marriage, but now it seems official.

Evidently, they are constantly watching words all the time to see how they change and how they reflect what we are trying to communicate. Communication is constantly evolving, and many times the changes are indicative of common usage.

As it stands, OxfordDictionaries.com defines marriage as being a ‘formal union of a man and a woman, typically as recognised by law, by which they become husband and wife.’
In a reference, it says marriage could also be ‘(in some jurisdictions) a union between partners of the same sex’.


UK Same Sex Relationships

In this article, they dive into same sex relationships and the issues that can, and often do, arise. The problem is that those in same sex relationships aren't always prepared for what's coming along, and they tend to jump into relationships without knowing anything. This is one reason I've been so worried about younger gay couples running out to get married right away. And I've posted many times about how older gay couples were excellent role models for Tony and me when we first started out.

They are asking people for advice in what looks like an interesting survey. I would have taken it myself, but it says the survey is nationwide in the UK, and I assume that doesn't include US residents. In any event, I found some of the definitions about how they define same sex relationships to be excellent.

Researchers at Sunderland and Leicester Universities invite you to take part in a UK-wide survey, to understand what you do when things go wrong in your same-sex, bisexual and/or trans relationships. Recent Equality legislation requires that services respond appropriately to those in same-sex, bi and/or trans relationships who might need help or advice. We believe that the best way to ensure this is to ask you about your experiences and what you need, so that we can feed that back to them.

What's a Street Team? Delaware Gay Marriage

What's a Street Team?

I've been hearing the term Street Team for at least the past five years and I've never really paid much attention to it. First, the books and stories I write are predominantly erotic gay romance and my readership tends to be discreet. So I never thought it would be a viable way to promote erotic romance of any kind. And, a Street Team always seemed like so much work to me that it might take away from my writing time, which always comes first and foremost on my agenda.

For a long time I used to wonder why a relatively unknown author with a relatively small start up e-press, or a self-pubbed author, would have a book released and all of a sudden over fifty reviews would show up on Amazon and other social media the same day of release. Even the shadiest author can't put up THAT many fake good reviews in less than one day, nor could he/she find that many family members or friends to write great reviews for them. So that wasn't plausible. And these reviews are always stellar...we're talking things like, "This is the best book and the best author I have ever read in my life." And yet I'm always thinking quietly, "Who the fuck is this?"

I often read books by national bestselling authors with huge publishers the day they are released. And then when I'm finished I have to wait to leave a review on Amazon for a few weeks because I don't want to be one of the first 100 to leave my review...especially if I'm not fond of the book. And most of all, I know from my own personal experience with my own books that reader reviews on web sites like Amazon take time to trickle in...weeks and months sometimes.

So when I see these small books by unknown authors getting over fifty reviews on the same day I wonder what's going on. And the only thing I can come up with are Street Teams. I would guess (and hope) the author with a Street Team hands out as many review copies as possible and that's how he/she gets the great reviews all in one day, because I don't find it plausible that all those people would read a long book in one sitting. I also wouldn't want to think that Street Teams just put up review without reading the book. And I don't want to speculate on anything else with regard to sales ranks. In the same respect, I'm far from being an expert on this topic, but this definition below seemed to sum things up well for me.

So by definition a Street Team is a group of fans who canvas/haunt/stalk places and promote you. For writers that would be internet sites, blogs, book stores, cafes, libraries, and of course word of mouth. Basically your Street Team is creating buzz about your work. They can go armed with paraphernalia i.e. bookmarks, fliers, promo items like pens, magnets and key chains or just a smile and a recommendation. My understanding is this concept was first hatched by fans of rock and roll groups who wanted to spread the word. It is a grassroots type of operation. And in this business we know it’s all about the buzz.

I would imagine, by this definition of Street Team, this is why I'm probably seeing unknown authors on social media getting an unusual amount of attention. In some cases I've seen support that doesn't even make sense. I have never used a Street Team, and I don't know any other authors personally who use them. But I could be wrong about that. Because of the nature of Street Teams there are allegedly many authors who don't mention the fact that they have Street Teams. But not all. Some are open about it, and if I did ever decide to do something like this I would be open about it, too. I think that's only fair to readers. In other words, these Street Teams are not doing this out of the goodness of their hearts. I would like to think they really are fans of the authors, but they are also getting something in return from the author. This article explains that part of the process well:

Of course I offer free stuff as well. They get swag for being part of my group and then I offer gift cards and chocolates here and there as a way to say thank you for all the promoting they do. But I’m the type of person who likes to be part of their lives – so when they lose a loved one, when there is a wedding, Easter, Christmas, birthdays…they are not JUST my street team – they have become my friends.

It sounds like the perfect set up, and for all I know it might be. But one thing that I would worry about with a Street Team would be how I'm being promoted and represented by them. I don't like the idea of giving up that much control, and I don't know how I would react to people writing things about me or my books, on my behalf, and turning me into someone I'm not. That might work out well for some authors in the short term who only have a few books out they want to promote so they can garner sales and attention at any cost. But if you're in this business for the long haul, like I've been for the past twenty years, you want your image (or brand) to reflect who you are over a long period of time. And if someone starts posting things on facebook to promote me in a way I wouldn't normally do it I would feel as if I've lost control of my career to a certain extent.

And to be perfectly honest, even though I'm curious about Street Teams and I'm by no means knocking them, I have to admit that those small authors who I've seen on social media where an aggressive group of fandom promotes them aggressively are not people I pay much attention to for a long time. At first I'm curious. I think this might look interesting. But when it starts becoming too fake, I stop paying attention. And I think most people feel the same way I do about those things on social media.

Something else I'm curious about is whether or not small publishers use Street Teams to promote their businesses in a general sense. In the past five years or so I have seen more than a few small start up e-presses pound onto the scene with aggressive attacks on social media that always leave me wondering. The problem is not everyone admits to this, especially not small aggressive publishers. And since I can't find any information on that topic, I can write a viable post about it.

It's also hard to find information about how readers feel about Street Teams. That's an important factor to me, too. I think it's hard to find this information because most readers who follow authors on social media don't know the authors are hocking them with Street Teams, and most readers think all the attention the author is getting is because he or she wrote a great book and people fell in love with it. I would be willing to bet most of the people reading this post never heard of a Street Team until now. In that respect, whether you like them or not, Street Teams can be valuable for a short period of time. Only I can't help wondering how valuable they are over a long span of time if the author or publisher truly wants to build a long term career in a specific genre.

Now that I'm curious about Street Teams, there will be more to come as I learn more about them.

Delaware Gay Marriage

Gay marriage is now legal in the State of Delaware. I find this particularly exciting because Delaware isn't far from Buck County, PA, and I often go there to visit friends, family, and do some shopping (it's also sales tax free).

In New Castle County, state Sen. Karen Peterson and Vikki Brandy became the first legally married same-sex couple in the state, signing their marriage certificate this morning, according to the Wilmington News Journal.

You can read more here.

I hope things keep moving this quickly. I recently learned Senator Daylin Leach of Pennsylvania introduced a bill for same sex marriage in PA.

Leach: “There is absolutely no rational reason in my view that same sex couples should not get married … should not have the same rights … I don’t know why some sort of ‘marriage light’ or second class citizenship should be imbued upon same-sex couples.”

SCOTUS Update on Gay Marriage

The most recent article I read says that SCOTUS will rule on gay marriage on Tuesday now. Most say the same-sex marriage cases won't happen until last.

The justices did not rule Monday in the legal challenges to Proposition 8, California's ban on gay marriage, or the 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act, which forbids federal benefits to same-sex couples.

The court is expected to issue rulings again Tuesday starting at 7 a.m. Pacific time.

You can read more here, and get more updates tomorrow here.

I find it interesting just waiting for the rulings. It feels as if there's that proverbial quiet before the storm. Those who really care about this issue, and those who are affected by it the most, seem cautious to even speak about it.

Gay Film "I Do;" Marriage; David W. Ross

We used to have a fantastic indie video store in New Hope that always had plenty of gay indie films that closed about four years ago, so when I spotted the gay film, "I Do," with David W. Ross on Verizon on demand last night I rented it without even looking at the previews.

And I wasn't disappointed this time. The basic plot revolves around a nice looking British guy, David W. Ross, who has been living and working in New York since he was seventeen years old. The only family he has left are his brother and sister-in-law. I'll stop there, because I don't want to give out any spoilers. But as the film progresses the British guy finds himself fighting the INS in order to remain in the US. He ultimately decides to marry his best lesbian friend in order to get a green card. Then when he least expects it, he falls in love with a guy he meets at a party...who happens to be a legal US citizen but is also from Spain.

The plot is actually much more complicated than what I'm stating now, and as I said I don't want to give out any spoilers. But the issue of gay marriage comes into play because the gay British guy falls in love with a guy he wants to marry, who happens to be a legal US citizen and a legal citizen of Spain, but he can't marry him because gay marriage is not legal in the US.

They mention gay marriage being legal in New York, and I think they did this on purpose. The fact that gay marriage is legal in the state of New York is absolutely worthless in this case, just as it is worthless in many other aspects in all states where gay marriage is legal. It's great on an emotional level, but when it comes down to the pragmatic issues in life we all face eventually it leaves gay couples with very little protection. Because the US government will not recognize a same sex marriage, the character in the film is unable to get a green card if he married a man he loved anywhere in the US. The key word here is federal.

This is just one reason why I say I'm happy but I'm not jumping up and down whenever gay marriage is passed on a state level. Until same sex marriage is legal on a federal level gay men like the guys in the film, "I Do," are still going to face the challenges of inequality on life changing levels. I actually know a couple in Florida where something exactly like this happened to them. They now reside in Germany.

In this film, even though I won't say what happens, the British guy is left with two options. He can remain in the US and marry a woman and pretend to love her so he can get his green card. Or he can leave the country, go to Spain with the man he loves, and live there where gay marriage is supposedly legal.

It's an interesting film to view, especially right now with SCOTUS ready to hand down rulings this week on same sex marriage. I have no idea what to predict at this point.

As a side note, David W. Ross is excellent in the film...he starred in it and he wrote it. And, this is a film about gay men, written by a gay man, starring a gay man for those who are interested in the details. I'll watch it again many times.

You can follow Ross on facebook, here.

David W. Ross is an English musician and actor. After moving to London at the age of 17 and seeking work as a film extra, his photo was spotted by Ian Levine, a boy band producer, and Ross was signed to A&M Records U.K., as one of the four members of Bad Boys Inc. The group released one self-titled album, which spawned five hit singles, including the Top 10 smash "More to This World".

Photo attribution here

UK Votes In Favor of Bill Legalizing Gay Marriage; Speach by David Lammy

Lawmakers in the UK voted in favor of a bill that would mean legalizing same sex marriage. Thanks to the Internet, I heard about it through a reader.

From my inbox:

It was nice to arrive home and find that the vote ended up in favour, I think by about 2/3 :) I hope the US gets its arse in gear on the subject soon!

 

From Chicago Sun-Times:

 

A majority of UK lawmakers have voted in favor of legalizing gay marriage.

 

Prime Minister David Cameron and other senior British officials threw their support behind the bill Tuesday ahead of a key Parliament vote on the divisive topic.

 

The bill would enable same-sex couples to get married in both civil and religious ceremonies, provided that the religious institution consents.

 

And there was a fascinating speech given today by David Lammy, you can read here. Below is just a small part of it...thanks to this blog reader who let me know about it.  

 

Before I begin, let me say that as a minister, I had the privilege of taking through the Gender Recognition Act through this House.

I want to say to the Minister that taking through a Bill that can affect so many people’s lives in such a positive way – that makes an indelible mark on our living, breathing constitution in the process – is an enormous privilege that will live with her for a long while to come.

Mr. Speaker, it is impossible not to feel a sense of history today.

It was the Houses of Parliament that commissioned, deliberated and published the Wolfenden Report over half a century ago.

It was in this Chamber that Leo Abse fought tooth and nail for its recommendations to be implemented and homosexuality to be decriminalised.

Freedom to Marry

I like to post these things for those who aren't familiar with the organization, "Freedom to Marry," and for those who are but aren't on the mailing list. The beginning is a nice thank you, and the rest I'm posting below talks more about the future.

Here's a link to the homepage of their web site, where you'll find all the lastest information out there on marriage equality.



From my inbox:

Because of your decision to be on the right side of history, 2012 was a triumphant year for Freedom to Marry -- and, with your support, we hope to have an even stronger 2013. We've already hit the ground running: We are investing heavily in smart campaigns to win marriage in battleground states and create the climate that encourages the Supreme Court to do the right thing in the marriage cases it is now considering.

Freedom to Marry is leading the way on every track of our winning "Roadmap to Victory" national strategy. And with you on our side, I know we will have the volunteers, partners, and allies that we need to get the job done.

We did huge, historic things together in 2012, Ryan. And together, we're going to wow them in 2013.

Thank you for all you do,

Evan Wolfson
Founder and President, Freedom to Marry

First Gay Weddings in Maine...

In a history making event, the first same sex couples gathered in Maine to exchange vows this weekend. It's significant in the sense that all these couples were finally allowed to have their relationships validated legally in Maine, and also because it's one step closer to same sex marriage on a federal level.

There's also an emotional factor here as well. And unless you've been in a long term same sex relationship and you've gone the proverbial distance, you can't even begin to imagine how something like this works psychologically. You might think you can, but you really can't know unless you've experienced not being allowed to legally marry. Being able to legally marry for gay couples is like they've finally stopped punishing you for that crime you never committed in the first place.

Arriving in a limo, Donna Galluzzo and Lisa Gorney had all the trappings of a traditional wedding: Rings, flowers, wedding vows, an entourage and a friend to officiate.

With tears in their eyes, they were among the first gay couples to exchange wedding vows early Saturday morning after Maine's same-sex marriage law went into effect at midnight.

"We're paving the way for people to go after us. I think it's just amazing. It's freeing. It's what's right," an emotionally drained Gorney said after their ceremony in front of City Hall.

Of course here in Pennsylvania same sex couples aren't allowed to get married, and the couples who were allowed to marry in Maine are still facing obstacles like inheritance taxes, benefits, and other legal issues because same sex marriage is not legal on a federal level. In an ironic twist, same sex couples who aren't legally allowed to marry face injustices when it comes to divorce, too. (More to follow on the divorce issue soon.) In other words, to make this clear, if the couples who were married in Maine...or any other state where gay marriage is legal...come to visit Tony and me in Pennsylvania they would not be considered legally married. And that's what "state by state" means in a general sense.

But at least it seems we're moving forward. After the most recent elections in this country, I've stopped hoping that a President or one particular leader (and I use the term leader loosely) is going to do anything about recognizing same sex marriage federally. When it does happen (and it will) it's going to have to be a collective effort that involves many people. And what happened in Maine this weekend is one more step in that direction.

You can read more here.

Photo: Falln-Stock Deviantart.com    (Huge thanks to photographer for taking such cool pics!)  

Bayonets in the Military; Election Day Shift in Same Sex Marriage

As a coincidence, I'm working on a story for a European print magazine right now that has a military theme and bayonets are mentioned in one escape scene. Although this story will never see the light of day in digital book form, or even in the US, I want it to be accurate. I've been freelancing for small private publishers in Europe for years, mostly Germany and Russia, and they usually tell me what they want and I deliver it to them. In this case it was a military story, set in the present, with an escape theme.

And when I heard a comment about bayonets in the military during this week's Presidential debates, I figured I'd better go back and do a little research to see if bayonets are actually used in the present day military. I probably could have just used gun or rifle instead of bayonet. But the story is ready to go and I didn't want to revise the entire thing all over again. After fifty or so revisions, it starts to get tired. And the last thing I look forward to is revising a story in any capacity that I thought was ready to  be submitted.

In any event, this is what I found with a simple wiki search:

A bayonet (from French baïonnette) is a knife, sword, or spike-shaped weapon designed to fit in, on, over or underneath the muzzle of a rifle, musket or similar weapon, effectively turning the gun into a spear.^[1] In this regard, it is an ancillary close-quarter combat or last-resort weapon.

However, knife-shaped bayonets—when not fixed to a gun barrel—have long been utilized by soldiers in the field as general purpose cutting implements.

In the US this is how they are used:

The American M16 rifle used the M7 bayonet which is based on earlier designs such as the M4, M5, & M6 bayonets. All of which are direct descendants of the M3 Fighting Knife and have spear-point blade with a half sharpened secondary edge. The newer M9 bayonet has a clip-point blade with saw-teeth along the spine, and can be used as a multi-purpose knife and wire-cutter when combined with its scabbard. The current USMC OKC-3S bayonet bears a resemblance to the Marines' iconic Ka-Bar fighting knife with serrations near the handle.

 

To play it safe, I double checked with this link:

 

While the bayonet dates to the 17th century, it has evolved through technological innovations over the years. In 2003, the Marine Corps replaced its standard-issue bayonet with a longer, sharper model, the OKC-3S. The new model, designed by New York's Ontario Knife Co., was also more effective when brandished as a hand knife - not to mention more ergonomically correct. Perhaps more vitally, the blades were also better able to pierce body armor, a concern particular to modern warriors. More than 120,000 bayonets were commissioned to supply one to each Marine, at an estimated price of $36.35 each, or $4,362,000 total. In addition to potential use in hand-to-hand combat, bayonets are said to be useful for keeping prisoners under control and for "poking an enemy to see whether he is dead."

So they are still used and I didn't have to change a thing in the story. As a side note, the hardest part of getting information about bayonets was finding a web site/article that didn't have a snarky political slant. Almost every single piece I came across had a spin on bayonets, in one political direction or the other. And all I wanted to know was whether or not they are still being used. Evidently, they are. Not often. But they are still around.

Election Day Shift Same Sex Marriage

I've posted several times about how frustrated I've been about same sex marriage and equal rights not being mentioned in the mainstream or by any of the candidates running for President in this election. So frustrated I almost decided to stop posting or dealing with the issue altogether. And then I came across a fascinating article on CNN's web site that helped put things into perspective for me.

From her Baltimore kitchen, Rebecca Murphy is lobbying legislators, crafting signs and making phone calls as she wages a battle to allow gays and lesbians to marry in her state.

The married mother of two doesn't have a personal stake in the fight. Rather, Murphy represents the growing number of people nationwide who support gay rights regardless of their own sexual orientation.

 

I've been hearing things like this crop up almost daily in recent weeks. So this could be one reason why same sex marriage isn't being mentioned at all in this election. There's been a slow shift taking place for a long time, and more and more straight people are starting to support same sex marriage openly.

 

Of course there are still those who don't support same sex marriage, and they tend to be very vocal about it:

 

While support has grown, there are still many who oppose allowing gays to marry and are doing their part to strike the measure down. The Rev. Frank Reid and his wife, Marlaa, of Bethel AME Church in Baltimore run workshops for single African-Americans in an effort to encourage strong marriages and discourage sexual behaviors that can lead to HIV/AIDS.

"I do understand and accept that there are other patterns for families," Marlaa Reid says. "However, the basic prescription for marriage, I embrace it as a biblical prescription. A man and a woman."

 

I've seen and heard this before. We all have, and coming basically from the same source with the same type of "holy" biblical mind-set. So that's going to take a while to change, but for the most part I agree that people are starting to accept same sex marriage without even thinking twice about it, which can only move equality forward. Most people nowadays know at least a few openly gay people, or are related to at least a few. And those who think they aren't exposed to gay people should take a closer look at their neighbor, their cousin, or their employer.

 

It's a good article to read in full, and it gives a different perspective on how same sex marriage might become legal...and without the help of any President. From what I gather, people are starting to decide for themselves and there's evidence that proves there's been a shift in the way they've been thinking about same sex marriage everywhere.

 

Photo: Morguefile   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fred Karger Files Charges Against Anti-Gay Marriage Group

I post these things primarily because most people aren't going to read about them or hear about them in the mainstream. Evidently, Fred Karger, an openly gay man who ran on the Republican ticket for President this year, is seeking the names of private donors who have been helping to fund a private anti-gay marriage group called The National Organization for Marriage....NOM.

Yes, you heard that correctly. Karger is openly gay, a Republican, he supports gay marriage, and he ran for President. Will wonders ever cease. Pardon my sarcasm, but let's face it. The only thing we hear about these days with regard to equal rights is what's posted on the Internet by small groups with good intentions. Or small blogs like mine that average about 1,000 hits a day. You don't see anyone else talking about it, not Democrat or Republican.

In any event, this is what Karger wants:

Fred Karger, a California-based gay-rights activist and unsuccessful Republican presidential candidate, has sent a letter to U.S. District Court Judge D. Brock Hornby asking him to find NOM in contempt of court for failing to disclose individual donors in the current election cycle, as possibly required by recent U.S. Supreme Court rulings in the case.

Karger also sent letters to the American Bar Association and its state-level counterparts in Maine, California and South Dakota asking that NOM chairman John Charles Eastman, a constitutional lawyer and law professor, be disciplined for the same reason.

This is why he might not get what he wants:

NOM maintains this year's contribution came entirely from its general treasury. Under Maine law, the organization is not required to disclose the sources of such donations, provided the funds were not solicited for a specific political purpose.

The federal court rulings have "not required that NOM disclose donors to its general treasury, any more than the Supreme Court and other courts have required disclosure of donors to the ACLU or Human Rights Campaign, which are supporting Question 1," Eastman said in a statement earlier this month.

"NOM is in absolute compliance," says Carroll Conley Jr., co-chairman of Protect Marriage Maine, which received the organization's $250,000 donation. "The Supreme Court did not require them to reveal the names of their donors who gave to their general fund."

You can read more here.

I recommend reading the entire article because it gets more complicated than this. It's been alleged that NOM is not in full compliance. But there's an ongoing investigation to determine this.

At least Karger is doing SOMETHING. Because no one else in the LGBT political landscape seems to be doing a single thing to help advance same sex marriage and equal rights.

"Freedom to Marry"

I have an older gay friend who sent me a crazed e-mail this afternoon about an e-mail he received from "Freedom to Marry." It took four rounds of going back and forth to explain to him that "Freedom to Marry" is working toward a goal of equality, not trying to stop it.

Then I figured if he'd misinterpreted it maybe others did. So I'm copying and pasting the latest e-mail from "Freedom to Marry" below to show that they are looking for support, and they are fighting to have same sex marriage legalized. As opposed to the "National Organization of Marriage," a group fighting to stop the legalization of same sex marriage.

Ryan, Two million dollars. That’s how much an anonymous donor just pledged to the so-called National Organization for Marriage to defeat marriage at the ballot next month in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington. Here's what NOM just said in an email to their supporters: "This new $2 million matching grant challenge will help us compete even more effectively with Obama’s billionaire gay marriage activists and wealthy Hollywood celebrities who are determined to impose homosexual marriage as the law of the land." NOM has never played by campaign finance rules, but a secret two million dollar donor is low even for them. Every one of those dollars will be spent to demonize gay families and defeat the freedom to marry in battleground states. We’re close to making history by winning marriage at the ballot. When we do, we’ll take away NOM’s last desperate talking point. Ryan, please donate $25, $50 or what you can afford to help combat NOM’s scare tactics with the truth about gay families: http://freedomtomarry.org/DefeatNOM While NOM uses secret donors to attack gay families, we’re proud to say that supporters like you are how we’ll secure our first-ever marriage victories at the ballot on November 6th. Thanks for all you do, Marc Solomon National Campaign Director, Freedom to Marry

Rufus Wainwright Tells Guests He Wants Cash, Not Gifts at Same Sex Wedding

I've seen many congratulations on social media for the impending same sex marriage for Rufus Wainwright and his partner. Although I'm a huge supporter of gay marriage because I've been with my partner, Tony, for twenty years, I'm not a huge fan of same sex marriage unless it's on a federal level...ahem, Mr. President. I know same sex marriage on a state level has its benefits and it is good for morale. But I live in Pennsylvania where same sex marriage still isn't legal, and may never be legal in my lifetime. We need it on a federal level. Anything else is nothing more than throwing us a proverbial bone.

I've been to many commitment ceremonies over the years that weren't considered legal marriages for same sex couples. Tony and I have two good women friends who have been together for twenty-five years and they've been married in several states. They live in New York and being married there legally has afforded them certain benefits that straight married couples receive. Like I said, it's all good. Just not enough.

And now I see that Rufus Wainwright is getting married and this is what he's asking his guests to do:

According to an insider, instead of traditional wedding gifts, Wainwright and his beau have asked for money in lieu of physical presents in order to pay off the 25-foot Airstream, a sleek aluminum travel trailer the couple has recently ordered but has not yet had delivered.

At that length, a new Airstream can run anywhere from $55,000 to well over $75,000, depending on how much customization is required.

It's their wedding and they are free to do whatever they want to do. But for all those out there who aren't familiar with same sex marriages and same sex couples, it is NOT typical for us to ask our wedding guests to bring checks instead of gifts so we can pay off our trailers! In fact, most of the commitment ceremonies Tony and I have attended were small, tasteful, and the couples specifically stated they didn't want gifts. My two lesbian friends who have been married in several states where gay marriage is legal didn't even have huge ceremonies. They did it quietly, with good taste, and didn't hock their friends for gifts. I'm pointing this out because I never hear about the real same sex couples that I know in real life. I only hear about the freak shows where same sex couples who are celebrities do things that I would imagine make the rest of America wonder what same sex marriage is all about in the first place.

Trust me, if Tony and I are ever allowed to get legally married, we aren't going to tell our guests what to bring...if there is a huge wedding. I doubt there will be because we've already been together for twenty years. It would be a quiet celebration with family and friends, and most likely we'd state clearly we don't want gifts.

And this is something you won't see us do either:

Guests attending the nuptials better hope for warm weather and calm seas: The couple is encouraging guests to join them in getting wet afterward.

Those attending the wedding who don’t plan on vacationing in Montauk for the week will be “bused in from Manhattan” and have been told it’s “very casual” and that “they can wear whatever they want.”

If Tony and I are ever allowed to marry, I can guarantee we won't be encouraging our guests to jump in the water and we won't be busing people in from anywhere. Again, I'm not knocking Wainwright or his partner for encouraging people to jump in the water at their wedding or for asking their guests to bring cash instead of gifts to pay off their trailer. It's a free country. I'm just stating that not all same sex couples would do things like this. In fact, most...if not all...of the same sex couples I know wouldn't do anything even remotely like this.

The reason I'm posting about this is because no one ever does. It's become evident to me that publications like Time Magazine and most newspapers pay people six figures to promote stupidity. Whenever a same sex marriage is announced that's considered "high profile," it's usually something the most people cannot relate to. I'm hoping this harmless little post might balance things out with regard to the images that most of America has about same sex couples on a broader scale.

Here's a link to the source where you can read more. Below is a comment left by someone that seems to be the way most people think.

What a narcissistic, selfish couple these men are. Mr. Wainwright is a successful singer/song writer who has made millions, I have no idea what his fiancé does. They are not young kids just starting out with no money, yet they ask their guests for money to pay off their latest toy, an Airstream Mobile trailer, the hubris and greed of this couple is beyond belief!! Why don't they ask their guests that in lieu of gifts to the couple, they can make donations to certain charities? I guess with all of his millions he has made and inherited, he still has the need to put himself above those less fortunate in need than his privileged self. Shame on you Rufus, you won't see me or many others buying your albums or songs.

North Carolina Ban on Same Sex Marriage...

This morning I turned on the TV while having coffee and Fox News came on. Gretchen Carlson said something to the effect of this: "North Carolina votes to protect the sanctity of marriage."

I looked at Tony and smiled. "So she's talking about the same 'sanctity of marriage' that applies to all the straight couples we know. You know, the couples who have been divorced two and three times. She's not talking about the gay couples we know who have been together for twenty and thirty years and plan to be together for the rest of their lives. I just want to get this right so I can process it."

Tony changed the channel. We both know and understand it's more complicated than this...but this is how the mainstream discusses it.

Since high school, almost every single person I went to high school with has gone through two or three divorces by now. I witnessed a family member go through a divorce three years ago that devastated three children. And, for those who think they know it all, the forty year old *husband* fought to save the marriage, not the forty year old wife. She just didn't want to be married anymore. She wanted to be single and continue to date her twenty-five year old boyfriend. She said, and I quote her directly, "The kids will get over it. Everyone's divorced nowadays." So far, the kids are in therapy, all are having problems in school they didn't have before the divorce, and they spend their time traveling back and forth between their mom and dad's house because the husband fought tooth and nail to get 50% custody. He would have fought for 100% but didn't want to make it harder on the kids.

So when Gretchen Carlson is talking about the "sanctity of marriage," I can only assume she, and those at Fox News, are living in a world with which I'm not familiar. A world where all straight couples fall in love, get married, go to church on Sunday, and live their lives focused on protecting the "sanctity of marriage." But more than that, she clearly doesn't know any gay people at ALL if she thinks they are trying to harm the "sanctity of marriage."

But we've been through this before and we'll go through it again. Clearly, North Carolina spoke yesterday and that's all that matters. And it wasn't just about marriage. They don't even want civil unions.

It also strengthens the state's position against same-sex civil unions, often considered a precursor to the marriage issue, Bradley said.

Here's a link to more about the vote in North Carolina. It gives a good overview of what happened yesterday, with quotes from people who are on both sides of the issue. Even President Obama said he was "disappointed" in the vote, which doesn't happen often. The good thing is that we're not ready to give up yet in North Carolina, or anywhere else for that matter.

Any comments that don't agree with this post will be deleted. This is my blog, not a democracy, and if you're not for same sex marriage I really don't care what you have to say.

Kim Kardashian Files for Divorce

Kim Kardashian files for divorce after only 72 days.

First, who cares?

Second, we knew it would happen anyway.

Third, every single couple I know in a same sex, long term relationship has been together for twenty years or longer and they aren't allowed to legally marry.

I do not watch The Kardashians and never will. But I did think this was an interesting fact to post.