Almost Gay Guys; New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage for ME

Almost Gay Guys

When I read the article to which I'm linking, I had to admit it was the first time I'd really ever seen anything like this spoken about so openly. It deals with men who are mostly straight, but sometimes almost gay, and stuck somewhere in between bi and gay. I know that sounds complicated, but there is validity here. The focus of the article is a young man named Dillon who is interested in women and sometimes men, but is not actually gay, straight, or bisexual.

By his own admission, Dillon says he resides in the “Sexual Netherlands” (his words), a place that exists between heterosexuality and bisexuality. In previous generations, such individuals might have been described as “straight but not narrow,” “bending a little,” and “heteroflexible.”

Dillon is part of a growing trend of young men who are secure in their heterosexuality and yet remain aware of their potential to experience far more—sexual attractions, sexual interactions, crushes, and, occasionally romantic relationships with other guys. Dillon lives these contradictions—seemingly hetero guys who now reject that label, sexual description, and identity.

Although I'm no expert on this topic by any means, I will admit that I've run across guys like Dillon before when I was single. (Actually, I still run into them, especially at weddings for some reason.) I once dated a marine who was very open about his sexuality with me, and he told me up front he was mostly straight. I dated a semi-pro baseball player...I was eighteen he was thirty...and he basically explained his situation as being almost gay, but only sometimes. I know that sounds odd to some people, but they were very nice guys and I found them very simple and easy to be with. In fact, in most cases they were easier to be with than out, openly gay men. Many who have read my novels will notice that I sometimes have characters in my books with men who are like this, and many of those characters were loosely based on my own personal experiences.

The article goes even deeper and it's a very interesting read for those who haven't heard about men like this before. The one part I didn't buy totally was that these guys care more about romance than sex. That was never something I experienced. These guys care about sex. It's not that they aren't romantic at all, but I've never seen that as the main focus. The one thing I can say is that they've always been cool and honest about it, which was actually kind of romantic itself. And these guys can be very adorable under the right conditions.

You can read more here.

New Hope Mayor No Gay Marriage for ME

When I read this article late last night, I can't say I was totally shocked. I know many people are because New Hope, PA, (where I live) is such an openly gay friendly tourist town, and has been for many years. We even have our own Gay Pride Festival in May. We have more gay owned establishments than I can count. At one time, we had more gay nightclubs than I can count. New Hope has always been a small gay mecca, like Provincetown, MA. Without apology, it's the reason Tony and I live here.

But I have seen more than a few interesting things living here. There was once a very wealthy woman who owned property and several high end businesses in town. She lived with another woman and we all knew she was a lesbian. But she never came out, and never openly supported the gay community in New Hope. The mayor of New Hope right now, Larry Keller, the one who refuses to perform gay marriages, is middle-aged and has been a confirmed "bachelor" as far as I know all his life. So when I read that this particular mayor will not perform gay marriages for legal reasons, no one had to bring my smelling salts.

In any event, this is what's happening:

Amid the typical discussions about zoning and amplified music at this week’s borough council meeting in New Hope was mention of an Aug. 16 letter from Mayor Larry Keller to council in which he explained the reasons for his declining the recent request “by two gentlemen to officiate their wedding.”

The letter went on to say, “As part of the official duties of the office of the elected mayor of New Hope Borough, I am permitted by law to solemnize marriages between persons who produce a marriage license issued by any County Clerk of Orphans’ Court. This authorization is not mandatory. A Mayor is not obligated to officiate any wedding.

To backtrack a little, I recently posted about how they are issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples in Montgomery County, PA, which is only a few miles away from New Hope.

Even though same sex marriage is still not legal in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, Montgomery County in PA issued marriage licenses to same sex couples today in defiance of the ban on same sex marriage. Tony and I live in Bucks County, PA, which is only a few miles from where the marriage licenses were issued, and it's s significant move for those who issued the licenses and those who obtained them.

The key words above are defiance and ban. It's obvious that in Montgomery County they are intentionally challenging the law in order to push things forward. Pennsylvania is the only mid-Atlantic state that doesn't even have civil unions for same sex couples. And we're tired of it.

What I found most refreshing about the article dealing with New Hope Mayor Keller was this:

Donna Deely, the Democratic contender for Republican Keller’s job in an election scheduled for this November, took it a step further: “If I am elected mayor I will officiate same-sex weddings. I think the risk there is minimal, and it’s the right thing to do, not only because it reflects the current prevailing legal winds and the country is moving in that direction, but also given New Hope’s rich tradition of acceptance. That’s why we chose to live here, and in my heart of hearts, I think it’s the fair and just thing to do.”

Even though there are legalities involved here, sometimes it's important to be on the right side of history in order to make a change. There was a time when people of African descent were not allowed to use the same bathrooms and water fountains as white people. Clearly, Mayor Keller doesn't believe the issue of gay marriage is important enough to take a stand and challenge. And this is in spite of the fact that his business has been supported by the gay dollar for many years, as well as his political ambitions. The most interesting thing here is that Keller is a Republican, and gays here have supported him in spite of that, too.

Now, Mayor Keller does have a history of issues regarding marriage.

Keller’s reluctance to engage in activity that may draw litigation seems to be founded in personal experience: he was questioned some years ago during a politically-charged environment about the propriety of the charitable donation of marriage fees he had collected, a charge he defended “at great personal cost.” Keller said he sought the advice of Borough Solicitor T.J. Walsh in this marriage request, who said “You don’t want to touch this. If he [Hanes] did something they said is illegal, you are going to be an accessory to an illegality.”

I can't find any links to that controversy now, but I do remember it. The issue eventually died down and no one heard a word about it again. However, it's important to note that marrying people is not unusual for mayors, and New Hope is also a destination for many straight couples to get married. Famed author and cook Julia Child and her husband were actually married in Lumberville, a few miles away from New Hope, many years ago. And Mayor Keller has performed marriages for straight couples.

Many are disagreeing with Keller's decision, including attorneys:

David S. Cohen, associate professor of law at Drexel University’s Earle Mack School of Law disagreed. “There is no clear decision from any binding court in Pennsylvania or the Federal court about the state’s marriage law, but officials like Attorney General Kathleen Kane and Montgomery County Clerk Hanes both have decided that the marriage law is unconstitutional. As a law professor and one of the attorneys representing same-sex couples in Montgomery County, I agree wholeheartedly,” said Cohen.

“If the mayor doesn’t want to go along with what the Attorney General and Montgomery County Clerk are doing, he will find himself on wrong side of history,” added Cohen.

Sometimes that's what it all comes down to in the end. And I think it will be interesting to see if Keller holds his ground with this, and, if he gets reelected this November.

Photo here.

Authors Behaving Badly: New Hope Gay Marriage Saga

Authors Behaving Badly

In the past few years we've heard a great deal about authors behaving badly. There's even an acronym...BBA...badly behaving author. But this following list mentions a few alleged BBAs who aren't new authors, or even self-published authors, and I found the comments fascinating.

Here are just a few names mentioned. There are fourteen mentioned altogether, twelve of which are showcased in detail.

Jonathan Franzen:

While we love Franzen's work, he doesn't seem to be the friendliest guy in town. First, he insulted Oprah. Who insults Oprah?! When Oprah wanted to make "The Corrections" one of her book club picks, Franzen was insulted. He notes, “I think she was surprised that I wasn’t moaning with shock and pleasure." Um, why wouldn't you be? Oprah is about to make you rich. Jonathan Franzen thinks he's too good to have suburban housewives reading his books. To make matters worse, he wrote that horrible piece about Edith Wharton in the New Yorker that basically talked about how she hated other women because she was so ugly, so she only created tragic beautiful female characters. Yeah, Jonathan. We're sure that was the reason. Just totally undermine the first female author to win a Pulitzer for her fiction. Good job.

I've loved everything Franzen has ever written. But I do marvel at his luck sometimes. And while I do believe that we create our own luck for the most part, I also think there's something working in the metaphysical background for some people that most of us can't figure out. It's not every author who can write one book with bad sex scenes and annoying characters every ten years and make millions.

James Franco:

James Franco likes to call himself a part of the literary community, but unfortunately for him, they don't really seem to want him (in fact, it might be a stretch to call him a "famous author" in the first place. He's more "famous" and, in addition, an "author"). The LA Times recently ran a post called Will James Franco Please Stop? However, Franco insists that his undertaking so many artistic projects and trying to look like a renaissance man does not, in fact, make him a jerk. He told E! "If anyone wants to say that my doing these things makes me a jerk, that's not about me—that's about people reacting to me." We see both sides of this coin. However, we think it'd be one thing if writing poetry and novels was just a hobby of Franco's and he wasn't pursuing getting them all published. That's just obnoxious.

This one is tricky for me. Franco has done so many things I admire I just don't get him being called a BBA. In 2006 James Franco went to UCLA to get his degree. He took 62 credits a quarter, where the normal load is about 18 or 19. And for some that's even pushing it. He received his degree in 2008, and he never stopped acting during his time in school. He wrote his thesis under Mona Simpson, an author I've mentioned here before (she was Steve Jobs' sister, who didn't meet Jobs until many years later because Jobs had been put up for adoption...and she also wrote one of my favorite novels of all time, Anywhere But Here). And this is only a partial list of James Franco's credits. So I personally don't find him anything but inspirational. And I think calling him a BBA is really reaching too far.

As a side note, the author of this article made a few fundamental mistakes, which are all updated at the bottom of the post. I couldn't actually find a byline anywhere. You can read more here.

New Hope Gay Marriage Saga

I've been following the story of gay marriage and the Mayor of New Hope, PA, where I live, and it continues to devolve. I posted about this early last week. The gist of all this is that Mayor Keller of New Hope believes it's more important to follow the law than it is to question ethics and inequality. And even though a clerk in Montgomery County, PA, a few miles away from New Hope, has been issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples illegally, Mayor Keller refuses to honor those licenses and he refuses to perform same sex marriage ceremonies in New Hope because same sex marriage in Pennsylvania is illegal. Most legal analysts claim there is limited risk if Keller were to perform same sex marriages, and right now a judge is about to rule on what the clerk in Montgomery County did.

In any event, this was a recent article I read in a local newspaper about Keller.

On one side is the four-term Republican incumbent, Larry Keller, who supports legalization of same-sex marriage and recently declined to perform a wedding ceremony for a gay couple, citing Pennsylvania law, his oath of office and the legal advice of the borough's solicitor.

On the other side is the Democrat challenger, Donna Deely, who had said she would, if elected, perform such ceremonies and now says she would respect the decision of the state court system, whatever that might be.

At the end of the article, a very clever little small town journalist adds this:

A recent poll by Franklin and Marshall College found that 76 percent of respondents disapprove of elected officials ignoring laws with which they disagree.

The journalist must have looked for ages to find that piece of information. And, there is no mention of the types of laws. In other words, Keller is upholding a law that's not only unethical, but it is as steeped in US history as segregation laws and slavery laws. In other words, if there were a law in PA that stated people of African descent could not use the same water fountains or public bathrooms that white people use, would Mayor Keller be a hero for upholding that law?

I have the highest respect for the law. We need laws and we need to follow laws. But every so often a law comes along that needs to be challenged, and in this case it's same sex marriage. What is going to be most interesting out of all of this is whether or not Keller is relected this fall. New Hope has a large gay community, but it's not all gay. And if Keller is relected it's going to speak loudly about where the straight community in New Hope stands on the issue of same sex marriage. Because it's one thing to say you support same sex marriage, but it's a completely different issue to actually support it.

Here's a letter to the editor from one local paper.

New Hope Mayor Keller brought disappointment and sadness to me this week. My life is peppered with many amazing and happy times in New Hope. I shake my head. One of the friendliest places to gay people in Pennsylvania has a mayor who refused to marry a gay couple. Amazing!

Why would someone support a law that is obviously unethical? I remember my father telling me the Army (he served in the Korean War) gave a soldier the option to not follow an order if the soldier felt the command was unethical and/or immoral. If Mayor Keller is for gay rights, then why would he morally or ethically uphold the current marriage law?

As a local official, Mayor Keller should call Gov. Corbett and ask him to stand down and bring down the state marriage law. He should be an advocate for gay rights and not against gay rights.

I was married in New York in July the week of the Supreme Court DOMA decision. My wish was to marry among my family and friends in Pennsylvania, but I could not. Mayor Keller of New Hope was given the chance to stand up for equality and change. He sat down and supported the current law. Amazing!

Now this is an interesting spin. In the same article I linked to above, this is mentioned.

Keller said he is one of about 350 mayors nationwide who have signed a letter by Mayors for the Freedom to Marry, and this week sent a letter to Governor Tom Corbett that said although he always will uphold his oath, " ... in my heart, I strongly believe same-sex marriage should be legal."

And this is how the New Hope Council responded. It's an online version of the newspaper, and I couldn't find another link. But I wanted to add the link becuase I know several of the people on the list are openly gay, and in long term relationships. One I've met at parties and she and her partner recently married on Cape Cod this summer, in Provincetown. In other words, she's legally married in MA, but not in New Hope, where she selflessly gives her time to work for the town of New Hope as a council member.

The following members of the New Hope Burough Council want the public to know that we support marriage equality and will do all in our power to put pressure on our state senator, state representatives, and Gov. Corbett to change the biased unconstitutional law banning same sex marriage. We are proud members of a town that supports diversity and equal rights for all. We will not stop our pro-active role until Pennsylvania supports marriage equality.

 

 

The Disappointment in Mayor Keller of New Hope, PA

The Disappointment in Mayor Keller of New Hope, PA

For those who follow my posts, I've been linking to articles about the mayor of New Hope, PA, which is also my own mailing address. I live about three miles from downtown New Hope. It's a very small tourist town that I've written about before here. And recently there's been a kerfuffle over the fact that the mayor of New Hope, Larry Keller, has refused to marry gay couples because same-sex marriage is illegal in Pennsylvania, unlike New York, which is about one hour away by car. I thought I would elaborate on this one more time for my readers because it is something that is deeply rooted in civil rights and LGBT history.

You can imagine the reaction the mayor has received from those who are same-sex couples in New Hope.  In full disclosure, Mayor Keller has stated, though reluctantly, that he is supporting legal same-sex marriage in PA, however he's not willing to risk the legal ramifications that accompany marrying same-sex couples right now while it is still illegal in PA. The liberal Democrat Mayor of Philadelphia has also made the same decision, because he doesn't want to break the law by marrying same sex couples and promoting the concept of equal rights. And that really is what all this comes down to. It's a pragmatic decision for both mayors in both places to uphold the laws whether these laws promote inequality or not. The law is the law. Fire is hot. All this came about when a straight married clerk in Montgomery Count, PA, decided to challenge the law himself, all alone, and issue marriage licenses to same sex couples in PA because he wanted to go down on the right side of history. Several of those couples went to New Hope and Philadelphia with their marriage licenses and both mayors refused to recognize them on the basis that it was against the law.

All this has spawned a firestorm between locals in New Hope about whether the mayor is right or wrong...from social media to e-mails. It's recently become a fight between Democrats and Republicans, and it's been nasty to say the least. But what most people outside of New Hope don't know is the history behind the town, and values the town has always stood for. It's not a typical small town in Pennsylvania, which is why Tony and I, and so many other same-sex couples, decided to live here years ago. At one time, it was the only town outside of Philadelphia (and most of New Jersey) that actually had multiple gay bars where gay people could congregate and meet without being harassed. And even then I personally recall nights when straight men driving down the road would shout pejoratives to gay men as they crossed the parking lot from their cars to the gay bar. It happened to me on several occasions and the only thing to do was keep walking, look down, and don't stop until you got inside and took a deep breath.

The reason I opened my art gallery in New Hope and kept it for ten years back in the 1990's was because New Hope was such a diverse community and always so accepting of all people, not just LGBT people. My late landlord was a man named Johnny Francis, who entertained celebrities that ranged from Diana Ross to Jackie Kennedy, in the 1960's, because New Hope was a pit stop for the rich and famous who traveled between Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, and New York. It's always been a place where the arts were celebrated, from big Broadway musicals opening here to the New Hope School of art, now famous for its group of celebrated fine artists. I could link and continue, but I think most people get the point that New Hope is different than other small towns in very distinct ways.

We even started celebrating our own gay pride event about ten years ago, and then the New Hope Film festival began shortly after that. We entertain one of the largest antique auto shows in the country every August, where people from all over the country come and stay at guest houses and bed and breakfasts. It's not unusual to go out to dinner here on a Saturday night and wind up sitting next to a film, TV, or rock star. And part of that reason is because of the diversity, and the way that diversity has always been celebrated. Back in the earlier days, New Hope was a place where mixed race couples could walk down Main Street hand in hand and no one would look at them twice. My former landlord where I had the gallery was the first in town to welcome gays during the 1950's when no one else would dare to do that. He started the first drag shows in town, that brought even more people here on weekends. And always, the bottom line was diversity, equality, and absolute freedom to be who you are. And, this is all pre-Stonewall.

The Beat Generation was known to hang out in what used to called the Latin Quarter in New Hope. Alan Ginsberg lived here, and social activist Abbie Hoffman lived and died here in neighboring Solebury Township, PA, in 1989. So when the present Mayor of New Hope, Larry Keller, broke tradition and refused to marry same-sex couples recently, it wasn't like this was happening any old place. It was happening in a place known for breaking tradition and non-conformity. It was happening in a place that has always been known to stand up for equal rights no matter what the cost. And that literally floored people to the most basic core, especially all the same-sex couples who have lived here, supported New Hope, and paid taxes to New Hope all these years.

So this entire ordeal that has spawned such controversy as a result of Mayor Keller's decision, goes deeper than just following the law and being pragmatic. If there's a law that states someone can only sit in the back of the bus and not up front, sooner or later someone is going to come along and challenge that unfair law and take a chance. Rosa Parks went down on the right side of history for doing this, and she was willing to pay the price at the time. Throughout history there have been brave people who have been willing to challenge unfair laws and they did what they had to do. Rosa Parks was even willing to get arrested for what she believed in, and she's been dubbed the "First Lady of Civil Rights."

Rosa Louise McCauley Parks (February 4, 1913 – October 24, 2005) was an African-American civil rights activist, whom the U.S. Congress called "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement".^[1] Her birthday, February 4, and the day she was arrested, December 1, have both become Rosa Parks Day, commemorated in the U.S. states of California and Ohio.

It's very hard to believe now that a human being in the United States of America could actually get arrested for refusing to move to the back of the bus, but that's how it was back then...until someone had the courage to challenge the rule and stand up for equality. And in refusing to marry same sex couples in New Hope, and in refusing the challenge the law that makes same-sex marriage illegal in PA, Mayor Keller broke tradition in New Hope and disappointed many people beyond repair. He sided with not only an unfair law, but also the wrong side of history. You can twist it, spin it, and turn it in any direction you want, but he chose the law, and it's a law that discriminates. Because I believe that one day, fifty or sixty years from now, someone else will be writing something about inequality and referring to a time when same-sex marriage was illegal and finding that just as hard to believe as forcing good, decent human beings to the back of the bus.

It's so easy to forget the way others have stood up to unfair laws that discriminate. From Rosa Parks' own recollection:

When Parks refused to give up her seat, a police officer arrested her. As the officer took her away, she recalled that she asked, "Why do you push us around?" She remembered him saying, "I don't know, but the law's the law, and you're under arrest."^[23] She later said, "I only knew that, as I was being arrested, that it was the very last time that I would ever ride in humiliation of this kind.

According to Mayor Keller of New Hope, and Mayor Nutter of Philadelphia, the law is the law.

Hawaiian Gay Votes Against Gay Marriage; Indy Mayor Against Marriage Ban

Hawaiian Gay Votes Against Gay Marriage

One of Hawaii's openly gay representatives, Jo Jordan, made history this week by being the first openly gay person in power to actually vote against marriage equality in Hawaii in what has often been a contentious fight at best. The reason why she voted against the bill is not because she's anti-same sex marriage. It's really because she isn't certain the law is as strong as it should be and as a legislator her solitary goal is to create an absolute law that can't be challenged down the line.

“I’m not here to protect the big churches or the little churches, I’m saying we can’t erode what’s currently out there. We don’t want to scratch at the religious protections at all, because if we don’t create a measure that’s bulletproof, or as close to bulletproof as possible, then the measure will go to the courts. And they will interpret it however that may be. A judge will make assumptions and make a ruling, and that will become the law of the land. So you really want us to create the legislation.”

As anyone can imagine, Jo Jordon has not been all that popular with the LGBT community for obvious reasons. I'm not even sure how to comment on this one. I would imagine that if a few other LGBT people in power agreed with Jordon and backed her up it might sound less extreme. However, right now same sex marriage is about to pass in Hawaii in spite of Jordon's protests, and Hawaii will then become the 16th state to have legalized same sex marriage.

I guess only time will tell if she was right or wrong.

Here's another article about Hawaii, and why this bill is so significant in Hawaii. I didn't know the fight for same sex marriage actually began in Hawaii years ago.

But the step in Hawaii has special resonance because the contemporary battle over same-sex marriage was born here two decades ago. Such marriages existed nowhere when Ninia Baehr and Genora Dancel, along with two other couples, filed what seemed like an utterly quixotic lawsuit seeking a marriage license. To near universal shock, Hawaii’s Supreme Court granted them a victory in 1993, ruling that a refusal to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry was discriminatory and illegal.

I'm not really surprised that I don't remember this. To be perfectly honest, I'd already been with Tony for a full year in 1993 and at the time actual legal marriage was not even on our proverbial radar. In other words, we didn't think that way because we had been conditioned to not think that way. And people like is basically did the best we could with circumstances we didn't even know we could change.

Indy Mayor Against Marriage Ban

The Mayor of Indianapolis, Greg Ballard, came out publicly against Indiana's gay marriage ban and he signed a resolution to prove it. As it stands now, in Indiana marriage is between one man and one woman, and now conservative groups want to make this even stronger by creating a measure that would make it even more difficult to legalize gay marriage there.

Indiana already limits marriage to being between one man and one woman. Indiana lawmakers are set to consider amending that definition into the state constitution during the upcoming session.
If successful, the measure would then be placed on the ballot for consideration by voters next November.

They also want to leave it up to voters, much like Gov. Chris Christie wanted to do in NJ recently.

If successful, the measure would then be placed on the ballot for consideration by voters next November.

The problem with leaving something like this up to voters is that anyone who is anti-gay and doesn't want to see LGBT people have the same equal rights as everyone else gets to decide the rights of innocent people and that's just not fair. I personally don't want a Christian bible thumping zealot deciding my fate, just as that same Christian bible thumping zealot would not want ME deciding his or her fate.

What is highly interesting about this whole thing with Greg Ballard, at least it is to me, is that Ballard is a Republican mayor, and yet he is still against a marriage ban. Ballard has also been a guest, in a front row seat, at a gay wedding.

When Democratic councilor Zach Adamson recited his wedding vows at a multi-faith ceremony in Indianapolis last weekend, Republican Mayor Greg Ballard and wife Winnie were there in the front row to witness it.

Adamson and his long-time partner Christian Mosburg had gotten legally married in Washington, D.C. on Oct. 19, but they returned to Indiana — where same sex marriage is banned — last weekend to repeat their vows.

You can read more here.

As a side note, I'll be posting something brief about New Hope Mayor, Larry Keller, very soon with the recent results of the local election. I posted about how Mayor Keller refused to marry a gay couple here in PA last month in several places. His decision started local firestorm that probably won't end for a long, long time.