Valerie Harper Cancer Miracle; Matt Bomer Married; Shakespeare Gay?; Anti-Gay Words

Valerie Harper Cancer Miracle

I think almost everyone I know over thirty has had to deal with cancer in one form or another, from personal experience to dealing with family or friends who've been diagnosed. Tony and I will be at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York  all day tomorrow and Friday while a family member has a third round of cancer surgery, and then helping out another family member over the weekend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. So when I see articles like this one about Valerie Harper and how hard she fights I think it's important to point them out.

When I read and reviewed Harper's book in 2013 I also posted about her cancer diagnosis.

After being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, Valerie Harper was told by doctors that she could have as little as three months to live. That was 13 months ago. Now, Valerie is talking about her miraculous treatment with ET.

"There's so much more I want to do and you are right there with me, ET," said Valerie, 74. "I am not suffering. I am not in pain, so I'm really blessed."

Valerie's type of cancer is difficult to treat but fortunately she's reacted positively to her medicine.
"I just had a great response to a certain drug," Valerie explained. "I was supposed to be dead by Easter [2013]."

You can read more here. I think she's another example of pure inspiration.

Matt Bomer Married

I actually just assumed this was the case, and that Bomer was married to his longtime partner/husband, Simon Halls. But it wasn't officially announced until recently that Bomer and Halls were married in 2011 before Bomer came out.

The star of TV's White Collar and of the upcoming HBO movie The Normal Heart has revealed that he and longtime partner Simon Halls have been married since 2011 to Details magazine.

The couple are raising three sons: an eight-year-old and six-year-old twins.

The fact that he didn't disclose this sooner doesn't surprise me either. Even though we wound up in a marriage documentary with Vermont Supreme Court Justice Beth Robinson marrying us, that was all an accident. Tony and I wanted to keep it all very quiet and simple. We've been together for twenty-one years and after all that time it becomes a very personal experience.

There's more here.

Shakespeare Gay?

I remember hearing these things back in college...maybe even high school when I took British lit. And I think we'll always speculate on whether or not Shakespeare was gay or bi-sexual. This article lists twelve possible reasons that might prove he was.

What can we know about Shakespeare’s relationship to Anne Hathaway, an older woman, who he married and had three children with? Well, very little.

The two married when Shakespeare was 18, she was 26 and already pregnant with their first child Susanna. Most famously, when he died, Shakespeare gave her only one thing - the second best bed.

This is viewed by many as a slight and a claim of how he had come to dislike her, viewing the marriage as a trap away from his free life in London.

To be frank, none of the points mentioned seem very strong to me. But they're still interesting to read.

Anti-Gay Words

I have posted about the word "tranny" often, as it relates as both a familiar term within a segment of the LGBT community and also an offensive term in other segments of the LGBT community. The debate continues. (I don't use it.)And this next link talks about what words are appropriate or inappropriate nowadays. I saw a new romance novel out with "queen" in the title and even though I know it's a word many gay men use when referring to each other I'm not sure I would ever title a book with the word "queen." If I were to use it in a book I would explain that this is only how some gay men speak, not all. It's not that I find it offensive. I just think it's had its day.

The interesting thing is that with almost all of these words and terms there are two sides to the story.

 In last month’s New York Time’s article The Decline of the ‘H’ Word Jeremy Peters wrote that while the word ‘homosexual’ for the most part is ‘inoffensive,’ ‘outdated,’ and perhaps ‘innocuous,’ the word nonetheless is viewed by many in our LGBTI community as a pejorative term.

According to George P Lakoff, a professor of cognitive science and linguistics at the UC, Berkeley, because many still associate the word ‘homosexual’ with sexual deviance, the preferred terms are ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’.

I find it hard to use the word "homosexual" in blog posts or even in books. In fact, I don't think I've used it more than once in over 100 novels. I really do find it hard to use because it does have negative associations for me, and it's also somewhat clinical...a term straight people use when they don't know what else to say because the word "gay" makes them feel uncomfortable.

In any event, you can read more here. There are several important points, and all come with a certain amount of controversy.

PA Judge Fast Ruling for Gay Marriage; Valerie Harper Dancing with Stars

PA Judge Fast Ruling for Gay Marriage

As I posted earlier today, a judge will rule as to whether or not Montgomery County Clerk, D. Bruce Hanes, was acting illegally by issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples.

A judge promised to rule as quickly as possible after hearing arguments Wednesday about whether a suburban Philadelphia court clerk should be forced to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Commonwealth Court Judge Dan Pellegrini said a central issue is "how power is allocated in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania."

"What's before us today is generally, 'Who decides?'" Pellegrini told the full courtroom in Harrisburg at the start of oral arguments.

Pennsylvania is the only northeastern state that does not allow gay marriage or civil unions. A 1996 state law says a marriage must be between a man and a woman, and it says same-sex marriages performed elsewhere cannot be recognized in Pennsylvania.

D. Bruce Hanes, the elected register of wills in Montgomery County, defied the ban in late July by issuing licenses to same-sex couples, as part of his duties as the orphan's court clerk. His action followed the U.S. Supreme Court's decision to throw out part of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, and a statement by state Attorney General Kathleen Kane that the same-sex marriage ban was unconstitutional.

I think the important thing to remember here, along with the laws, is who will go down on the right side of history. And it's moments in time like this that tend to define people in more ways than one.

Valerie Harper Dancing with Stars

When I read and reviewed an autobiography by actress, Valerie Harper, last winter, I posted it, along with other information about a cancer diagnosis that only gave her a few months to live. Since then, Harper has gone into remission, has become a huge inspiration to all of us, and she's going to be part of next season's Dancing with the Stars.

"I said, 'Give me one good reason,' " Harper recalled. "He said, 'You have cancer! Get up there, and show people that you can dance and do -- and the doctors said it's fine to exercise. Encourage people to move, to exercise, to do all the things that will be good for them, and mainly not to sit in the house and glower and worry and feel sorry for yourself because you have this disease and anything else.'"

Exercise is generally encouraged for patients, according to the American Cancer Society.

"At one time, patients with cancer, especially in the advanced stages, were often told by their doctor to rest and limit their exercise," the organization's website says. "But newer research has shown that exercise is not only safe and possible during cancer treatment, but that it also can reduce symptoms and improve quality of life."

 

It's not always easy to exercise. I know how hard it is because I have been doing a three to five mile run early every single morning of my life for the past twenty years. At this point, I don't know how I would live without that morning run. I can't even imagine.

 

And if I couldn't run, I'd walk.

 

Here's another article with more about Harper.

 

 

Book Review: "I, Rhoda" by Valerie Harper

I didn't hear about the bio I, Rhoda by Valerie Harper through friends or articles or ads anywhere. I actually happened to pass The Jeff Probst talk show one night in January while surfing through channels and saw Jeff interviewing Valerie Harper. It was the first interview I'd seen Harper give in a long time and I was amazed at how young she looked. I was also amazed at how well the interview went and I've become a fan of Jeff Probst's show as a result.

I hadn't planned on reading anymore bios, autobios, or memoirs at that particular time, but as a long time fan of Valerie (and Rhoda) I bought the digital book on Kindle anyway. I know they are advertising this as a memoir, but I thought it was more biography than memoir. I've always thought of memoir as being a certain isolated segment of a person's life. But this book covered Valerie's life from the beginning up until the time she was nominated for a Tony award on Broadway. And that was NOT a disappointment by any means. I'm glad it was more biography because I discovered things about Valerie I never knew...like where she grew up, where she studied, what it was like to work with people like Lucille Ball on Broadway when Ball did the show, Wildcat. So you're getting a lot more with this book than what you might think you are getting from the way it's been promoted in some places.

The beginning of the book seems to build up to a pivotal point in Valerie's life: when she landed the part of Rhoda Morgenstern on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  Everything that leads up to this point is well-crafted, moves at a nice pace, and it shows how hard Valerie worked to get there. And it really does show; it doesn't just tell...which made it a much nicer...smoother...read than a lot of non-fiction I see nowadays.

In the sections of the book where Valerie discusses playing Rhoda, she talks about her relationships with other cast members, her relationship with Mary Tyler Moore, her relationships with staff and crew, and also her personal relationships. But there's nothing too dishy or gossipy about any of this. And that's because I have never heard anyone, anywhere, trash anything about The Mary Tyler Moore Show. They were hard working people who loved what they did and didn't spend their free time looking for attention. From everything I've heard and read and seen, the people who were associated with that show did get along, did love every minute of what they did, and they focused on their craft the entire time. This is also a huge part of the book: Valerie's work ethic. She wasn't just a star. She was a working actress, a business woman, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, and an artist. I don't think I saw the word feminism in this book once, but she's a good example of what feminism is all about.

After a great run as Rhoda, both on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and on her own sitcom, Rhoda, Valerie winds down this section of the book with bittersweet comments about how lucky she was to have had this experience and how thankful she was to have been part of something so wonderful. You really feel her gratitude and the love she had for the character of Rhoda. But it doesn't end there, Valerie then moves the reader forward with the rest of her life and talks about how she moves forward as an actress, an artist, and a woman.

I found the section about her experiences with the TV sitcom in the 80's, Valerie, honest and up front. I do remember that show well, and I was a huge fan of it. I'd read a lot about the dispute between Valerie and the producers, but never actually heard Valerie's point of view about what happened and how she wound up leaving a show with her own name on it. And after reading this book I have a better understanding about what happened and how it affected Valerie, too. As a side note, I'd like to add one thing to this that Valerie didn't mention in the book because she's far too nice a person. Whenever there's a hit TV show and producers don't want to pay the star more...or even negotiate for better terms...it never ends well for the TV show itself. Think Delta Burke in Designing Women...or Suzanne Somers in Three's Company. They were all different circumstances, and yet the end result turned out the same for each TV show. Once the main star leaves the show fails. I stopped watching Valerie the moment Valerie Harper wasn't on anymore. The revised show, The Hogan Family, wasn't entertaining. I also stopped watching Designing Women the moment Delta Burke wasn't on anymore. And that's just the way it is. Stars like Valerie Harper have that extra special thing that can't be replaced no matter how hard producers try. Some things in life just can't be replaced or duplicated.

In any event, I was just finishing the book when I learned about Valerie's recent cancer diagnosis. I was right at the part where she had to battle lung cancer in 2009, and I was marveling at how brave she was and how well she handled it. For Valerie to come through that ordeal seemed like such a happy ending for a bio, and then I heard about the most recent brain cancer she's now just beginning to deal with. From what I've read so far, she's dealing with this cancer just like she's handled all the things I read about her life in this book, with strength, pragmatism, honesty, and love. I think that's what I liked most about the book, all the love I read between the lines. It's truly a book about an honorable life well lived and loved, from beginning to end. And I would recommend it to anyone without thinking twice. You can purchase it here.

  

30 Most Anticipated Books 2013; Valerie Harper's Book; Jeff Probst Show; Venfield Plug

First, let me get a shameless plug out of the way and talk about Venfield NYC, a high end designer boutique in New York. My brother is one of the owners (he's the "field" in Venfield). He and his business partner have been selling to, and designing for, some well known celebs around the globe for over twenty years now. They cater to everyone and the showroom is open all the time, but some of their most notable clients have included the likes of Lucy Liu and Danielle Steel. The first location they had in NY was on Bleecker Street in The Village, which is where I found a good deal of the information for my book, "Pretty Man." 

From the info page at the Venfield NYC web site:

The Venfield Collection offers mid-century pieces combined with 18th and 19th century antiques and custom home furnishings. There is a unique balance of old world sophistication combined with a sexy modern point of view. Venfield was derived from the names of its two founders, Greg Ventra and Mark Field.

Greg and Mark began their careers early on in the fashion industry. Both had a passion for antiques and interior design and so partnered to begin Venfield. Today, Venfield is one of Manhattan’s must-see shops for the discerning shopper or interior designer seeking the avant-guard and the unique. Venfield is located at 227 E 60th St in Manhattan.

So if you are in NY and you decide to stop by, I'm sure you'll be fascinated by their merchandise. It's a bit pricey...way too pricey for me...but a good deal of what they have is unique and can't be found in other venues. There's also a strong focus on post modern and murano glass. I have a set of faux zebra pillows I found there once I'd never part with. Here's a piece from NY Mag with a nice article that goes into more detail. And, those into m/m romance will find the photos fascinating.

List of 30 Most Anticipated Books of 2013:

When I found this link yesterday, I figured I'd post about it. Who knows if any of this will actually come true? I've been reading these lists all my life and they rarely do. But I still love them and I love to go back and re-read things like this five years from now. I'm thinking of doing a series of blog posts on things I read online five years ago on publishing blogs to show you what I mean. This is why I never actually come out and predict anything about the future, especially with publishing. You just never know.

This book is number 3 on the list, and if you follow this link you can see all 30.

Kincaid’s first novel in a decade is a deeply felt story of the breakdown of a marriage and the complex interior life of a woman and a mother living in Bennington, VT. The fact that Kincaid lives in Bennington herself, and the parallels between the protagonist’s ex-husband and her own have not escaped us.

Valerie Harper's New Book:

I was flipping through channels last night and stopped at The Jeff Probst Show when I saw Valerie Harper was one of his guests. For those who don't know, Harper is an icon in some circles and grew in popularity in the 1970's by playing "Rhoda" on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. And then in her own TV show, Rhoda. In gay culture as well as pop culture there is a generation of people who have been fans of hers since they were little kids. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is still in syndication and it's still garnering new fans as well. She actually looks almost as she did in 1970, which is amazing.

She has a new book out titled, "I, Rhoda." You can purchase it here on Amazon. I'll probably read it myself and post a review in the coming months.

The Jeff Probst Show

I figured that as long as I'm posting about Harper because I found out about her book through The Jeff Probst Show, I might as well mention that show as well. I have to be honest about this. I have been so off on all talk shows in the past few years I would rather read a romance with a woman in a long flowing gown on the cover. I find talk shows like Dr. Oz patronizing and dumb. I lost patience with Dr. Phil's annoying voice the first time I saw him and I never watched him again. Katie Couric should have stuck to the news where she belongs, because her talk show is the best source for a nap I've found since chilled vodka. The View makes me cringe and I wish someone would shove a sock in Joy Behar's big mouth just once.

However, Jeff Probst, of Survivor fame, has one of the most well-orchestrated talk shows that's ever been on TV. And he hasn't received half the publicity or recognition those of the newsy old boy Katie Couric crowd have received, which isn't fair to him or to potential viewers. I'm really not exaggerating this. If you'd asked me if I would have watched a talk show with Probst two years ago I would have rolled my eyes and quoted Survivor: "I'll go tally the votes." But I would have been wrong. Just the energy alone, and Probst's own personality, makes watching talk shows again on TV worthwhile. He owns every guest that sits next to him for the hour he interviews them and I don't even think they realize it. You should have seen how he worked Valerie Harper.

I think what I enjoy most about it is that Jeff takes control of his show and doesn't seem to care about the formula...or anything Oprah-esque....no fake tears. He does everything from a male POV, in a natural unplanned way, which makes it even more interesting when the topics include dating and relationships. It helps that he's also easy on the eyes and when he smiles women and gay men swoon a little. But it's more than that, and it shows that talent does win out sometimes. So if you have been put off by most talk shows in the past few years, check Jeff Probst out. I even enjoy his show when the guests are not people I care all that much about. Sometimes I don't even know who the guests are. And yet the shows are always interesting and I can't turn away.  It airs at different time in different parts of the country, so check out the link to the web site I provided above. It's great DVR viewing, too.

 

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