Here's an interesting article about gay men who are in open relationships. In my series, The Rainbow Detective Agency, Proctor and Blair are in a somewhat open relationship themselves in the sense that they have three-ways...or more. It depends on the situation, but they always do it together, never alone. Their relationship isn't open in the sense that they are able to be with other people alone. They have to be together. For them, it works.
There are rules, very defined rules, as to what Proctor and Blair can and cannot do. I make that clear in the book...in all of the books. I added that to the story line because I think...and I've always known it to be true in RL...that a lot of gay men have open relationships.
With that said, here's a study done in the UK about the topic of open relationships that actually seems to back me up this time.
When it comes to the politics of open relationships, here’s what FS learned:
- 74 percent of men who are currently in an open relationship said opening was a mutual decision between both partners.
- 12 percent of them said they have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
- 75 percent of them said they have rules in place with their relationship, but…
- 21 percent admitted to breaking those rules at least once. (Tisk, tisk!)
You can read the rest here.
The rules are very important.
Gay In Military: Double Life
This article also backs up what I've been saying on this blog, which is there are many more gays in the closet than most would assume. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, for them personally. Coming out is a personal decision that I don't believe can ever be forced. And some people these days don't want labels. That's their choice. I just wish more would come out to show the world how diverse the gay community can be. However, I do understand why they remain in the closet.
Here's an excerpt from an interview with a closeted gay man in the military who has been living a double life...
I always new I was different. Through high school, a lot of people thought I was shy, boring or introverted and what not but in reality I just wasn’t interested in girls. I had a high school girlfriend, but that was because that’s just what you did in high school. After we graduated, we got married because that’s what everyone else was doing. Shockingly, it didn’t last! My first experience wasn’t until my early 20’s. It was a very confusing time for me, because I felt like I “shouldn’t” like guys. I dealt with a lot of different emotions and there was definitely an internal struggle that didn’t subside until I was able to come to terms and accept who and how I was. Even then though, I never wanted to be defined by my sexuality, so I never “came out.” I always wanted my reputation to be: “yeah, he is a solid dude..” Not “yeah, he is a solid dude…..for a queer/homo/gay/swish/etc” All that being said, living a double life and keeping secrets isn’t healthy, psychology or emotionally, but that’s just the price I felt and feel like I have to pay. It’s a trade off that I think is worth it. My father passed away a number of years ago, but my mother and siblings know. They have come to accept it, but I don’t rub their noses in it.
I support what he's doing, because I know what it's like. But I think that's kind of sad...the last line, "rub their noses in it." I can only guess what that means. You can only be gay to fully understand it. And how sad that we have to be treated that way, still. If you ever wonder why I get angry with gaybaiting or gay cultural appropriation here on this blog, this is one reason. You'll never fully know what it's like unless you are gay.
You can read the rest here.
Davey Wavey Responds To Hypocrisy Accusations
Long before I found this article I saw a status update from Davey Wavey about respecting gay elders. I didn't pay much attention to it and I moved on. I stopped linking to Wavey a while ago, and really not for any particular reason. (Mabye because I don't think I'd recognize him wearing clothes.) Then, over the weekend, Tony mentioned he'd seen it, too, which he rarely ever does. Normally, he doesn't care about things like that. This time Tony was in full agreement with Wavey.
In any event, Wavey sparked some criticism and now he's responding.
While celebrating the elders in our community — and the sacrifices that they’ve made — is something all of us can stand by, some of the responses have been negative. As someone who has created more than 800 videos over the last 8 years, folks have noted that my content has included a number of young, white, shirtless gay men.
This, they claim, undercuts my anti-ageism message with blatant hypocrisy. But what critics fail to mention is that my videos have also included, in the last year alone, 88 people who aren’t young, cis, white gay men.I’m also a business person and creating video content is my job.
I’m supported by the ad revenue that my videos generate, and I need to strike a balance. The reality is, my videos with shirtless, young gay guys get a disproportionate amount of views because that’s what our community consumes most.
He's absolutely correct about that. You have to give people what they want and you have to entertain them with what they want. And I think his overall message about elders is pretty much spot on.
The only part of this whole thing that took me aback is that I've always thought most younger gay men do treat older gay men with respect. At least from what I've always seen as a gay man...from the time was in my early twenties, from my own personal experience. Maybe Wavey knows something I don't know from his personal experience. It's been known to happen.
You can read the rest here.
The Rainbow Detective Agency