Monday, May 28, 2012

Things All Guys Find Sexy...Gay or Straight

When I read the article to which I'm linking right now, my first thought was that this kind of thing could set feminism back three decades.

But, after I'd finished reading it occurred to me that each one of the 9 things listed that straight guys find attractive could be used for gay men as well. When I thought back to when I was single and dating, these are a lot of the things I was looking for in a partner.

Voice, walk, and sharp wit are big on my list of attractive features in a guy. And dancing is important, too, because there's nothing that turns me off more than someone who thinks he can dance and can't. That ridiculous bouncing around to music without any rhythm or skill will lose me all the time. If I'd seen Tony do that in the night club where I met him twenty years ago, I'd still be single today.

I love an adventurous spirit, but I also like a little shyness as well. Nothing ever turned me off more than a guy who was too pushy too soon. Aggressive is good. Strong is good. But don't push me unless you know what's good for you, especially in the beginning. Though I'm not sure about smell (that's the one thing on the list that is a little me), laugh is important to me. In fact, the sound of someone's voice can either be a huge turn on or turn off. I have an ex-sister-in-law with a voice like a broken chain saw. How my poor brother lived with THAT for sixteen years will always pass me by.

And, communication is probably the most important factor. If you're in a relationship with someone you'd better be able to communicate with them well. Because when the newness of the sex wears off, and it always does, you're going to need something more to keep you from losing your mind.

I'm so glad I don't have to do this anymore. Being in a twenty year relationship that's like a marriage in every sense of the word makes me realize how lucky I am to have found not only my own HEA, but also the perfect life partner. But for those of you who are still single, I think these things listed in the article can be important when you first meet someone. And in this case, gay men aren't that much different from straight men.


Nithu said...

It's a good thing dancing well isn't compulsory, or I'd still be single! In my defence, I'm well aware of my deficiencies, ie, I dance like a spastic ironing board having a seizure, and don't inflict it on anyone; I'm content to stand or sit on the sidelines and just tap my feet :D Having said that I met my husband on the dance floor almost 24 years ago - I was completely rat-arsed and had thrown all my inhibitions to the wind! Maybe I was doing something right ;) I haven't been on a dance floor since though, not because I landed my man, I just have never been that drunk since.

Leigh M. Lane said...

Great post, Ryan. Congrats on the twenty years!!!

A.B.Gayle said...

Very true, Ryan, And not all that different for females.

In fact, I read somewhere that we make our choice of partner (for how ever long) on what doesn't turn us off even more than what turns us on. (eg crappy dancing, bad voice)

Hubby and I have been together for over 30 years and at times I've seriously felt like splitting, but then I realise no-one else would put up with me, so I put aside whatever gave me the shits and concentrate on all the good things.

I think remembering you're not perfect yourself, helps you to accept any of their flaws, especially when they love you despite yours.

ryan field said...

@Nithu...I met Tony in a bar/ much for what they say about meeting people in And, for the record. I suck at dancing.

@Lisa...Thanks...goes by so fast!

@ AB...well said. I wish more people would think the way you did. I think they'd be happier in the long run. I have a few friends who made drastic life changes and regret them years later. But the people I've seen who stuck out the rough times always seem happier as they get older.

A.B.Gayle said...

Two girl friends recently related how they met their husbands at dances. Were impressed by the way they danced and haven't managed to get them on the dance floor since!

Maybe it's part of the human mating ritual? Lol.

I met my husband at a jazz concert when we ended up sitting side by side. A shared taste in susic has been the biggest constant glue since.

It all comes down to shared priorities whatever they are.

Congrats to you and Tony's 20 years BTW. He's the mystery man. I'd love to know if he "features" in any of your books, but know you'd never fess up.... :)

A.B.Gayle said...

Love the accompanying photo by the way. Very easy on the eyes...

T.D. McFrost said...

I think this list is silly. You can't adequately compile peple's preferences because each of us aren't built with a manual. It's absolutely MORONIC!

No one cares for these stupid lists these stupid magazines come up with. I don't care who is Maxim's top 100; I don't care who is the most beautiful wo/man in the world, nor do I give a shit about what turns a woman on--a alot of things turn women on, so I rather find my way, thank you very much!

Phew, it was nice to get that off my chest.

(We now return to our regularly sheduled programme) :)

Oh and I had no idea you were in a relationship that long. That's amazing, Ryan!

Unknown said...

I found my husband a long time ago but writing romance I'm constantly thinking about attraction. I think attraction is one of those strange things that when it strikes, it strikes. Like you could have someone in your life which exhibits certain traits and you're not attracted then you find someone else who has those same traits and it strikes hot, leaving you panting because one of those traits was just tweaked a bit differently and that set you off.

ryan field said...

@TD...I don't think all these things are the only things. But when you think about it it's usually the small first impression traits and gestures that tell you if you want to get to know this person better. I am big on shoes, too. I know that sounds dumb, but if I see a guy in shoes I don't like it's a red flag.

Sara...I agree to a certain extent...but no bad And I hate those peddle-pusher pants on guys.

T.D. McFrost said...

Shoes? Seriously, Ryan? That's a bit daft don't you think? LOL.

Well, I guess I can't judge, 'cause I get turned off by bruises: cuts, scabs, name it.

At least the person can change their shoes, Ryan, so now I can continue to judge your weird turn-offs again. :D

ryan field said...

I said it was dumb :)

But I can't help it. It's not like the shoes have to be expensive or anything. They just can't be dorky. The worst are guys who wear those cuban high heel shoes or quarter boots (and their pants are usually pulled up too high, which in turns gives them the male camel toe). That's just

T.D. McFrost said...

Aw man, I agree. What a terrible visual you gave me. LOL.

ryan field said...