Wednesday, May 9, 2012

North Carolina Ban on Same Sex Marriage...

This morning I turned on the TV while having coffee and Fox News came on. Gretchen Carlson said something to the effect of this: "North Carolina votes to protect the sanctity of marriage."

I looked at Tony and smiled. "So she's talking about the same 'sanctity of marriage' that applies to all the straight couples we know. You know, the couples who have been divorced two and three times. She's not talking about the gay couples we know who have been together for twenty and thirty years and plan to be together for the rest of their lives. I just want to get this right so I can process it."

Tony changed the channel. We both know and understand it's more complicated than this...but this is how the mainstream discusses it.

Since high school, almost every single person I went to high school with has gone through two or three divorces by now. I witnessed a family member go through a divorce three years ago that devastated three children. And, for those who think they know it all, the forty year old *husband* fought to save the marriage, not the forty year old wife. She just didn't want to be married anymore. She wanted to be single and continue to date her twenty-five year old boyfriend. She said, and I quote her directly, "The kids will get over it. Everyone's divorced nowadays." So far, the kids are in therapy, all are having problems in school they didn't have before the divorce, and they spend their time traveling back and forth between their mom and dad's house because the husband fought tooth and nail to get 50% custody. He would have fought for 100% but didn't want to make it harder on the kids.

So when Gretchen Carlson is talking about the "sanctity of marriage," I can only assume she, and those at Fox News, are living in a world with which I'm not familiar. A world where all straight couples fall in love, get married, go to church on Sunday, and live their lives focused on protecting the "sanctity of marriage." But more than that, she clearly doesn't know any gay people at ALL if she thinks they are trying to harm the "sanctity of marriage."

But we've been through this before and we'll go through it again. Clearly, North Carolina spoke yesterday and that's all that matters. And it wasn't just about marriage. They don't even want civil unions.

It also strengthens the state's position against same-sex civil unions, often considered a precursor to the marriage issue, Bradley said.

Here's a link to more about the vote in North Carolina. It gives a good overview of what happened yesterday, with quotes from people who are on both sides of the issue. Even President Obama said he was "disappointed" in the vote, which doesn't happen often. The good thing is that we're not ready to give up yet in North Carolina, or anywhere else for that matter.

Any comments that don't agree with this post will be deleted. This is my blog, not a democracy, and if you're not for same sex marriage I really don't care what you have to say.


mary gresham said...

Ryan love, you know how I feel about it, its completely shameful that this happened, especially when I saw how far apart the percentages were, 60 something to 30 something. Why are people so fucking close minded when it comes to same sex couples and I just dont understand it.

Thommie said...

I don't understand people, really. Snctity?? What has the fact that you want to spend the rest of you life with someone and be legal about it has anything to do with sanctity? Oh wait, exactly that!! How on Earth is sanctity threatened by people falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of their life together??? I mean aren't we all human beings? Aren't we all children of the same damn planet? Or better yet aren't we all children of the same creator (call it God if you want)?? Then why the heck some can live their life the way they want to and some can't??? What is this discrimination for??? I've often wondered, isn't this some king of human rights violation...??
For how long are people gonna keep shoving their noses into other people's business? And for how long the sheer stupidity of not understanding is going to go on??
For all that's holy's sake, Gay, Bisexual, Lesbians and Straight have existed for thousands of years, I suspect ever since man kind was known. There are damn facts of their existance and peaceful living together in sociaty thousands of years ago in all ancient Greece. What the hell is this behavior of demeaning people all about nowadays. Are we loosing brain capacity as we move forward???
That vote is beyond dissapointing imo. And times like this it clearly shows we're not the intelligent species we so much love to brag about...

ryan field said...

You all know how I feel.

Nithu said...

This is just the opinion of someone looking in from the outside, but it seems bizarre that religious beliefs seem to have such a big influence on American politics, especially in a country where there's supposed to be a complete separation of church and state - or have I misunderstood that?

Here, the current debate is marriage vs civil unions. We've had the latter for some time - essentially a civil marriage - but the law doesn't allow it to be called a marriage. How stupid is that?

I married my husband, mainly so that we could simplify the problems you outlined in your post yesterday. If straight couples could have a civil union, we would have happily undergone that process - we did, but it's called marriage o_O We are both atheists and marriage has no religious significance for either of us. When we married, we had been together for 10 years and had a 4 year old daughter - for us, she was far more symbolic of our commitment to each other than any ceremony could be. Some of the legal stuff was easy, eg, we took out a Parental Responsibility Agreement when our daughter was born so that her father had the same rights in law as I did with regard to her, but other stuff was a pain, yet happens automatically when you're married.

For us, marriage was purely to take care of the legal side without having to jump through endless hoops. It seems madness that the right to do this is determined by gender and that some people's religious beliefs have such an influence.

ryan field said...

The founding fathers wanted separation from church and state. I don't get it either.

Hayley B. James said...

"Any comments that don't agree with this post will be deleted. This is my blog, not a democracy, and if you're not for same sex marriage I really don't care what you have to say."

I applaud you for that sign off!

I discussed NC's ban today for a short time with my coworkers--one a pastor and one a Catholic. They don't understand why I get so upset Christians are forcing life styles changes on non-Christians when it (to their belief) protects the value of life and other nonsense key words politicians use to get votes. I think I want to become a devote Christian just to learn to secret of brain washing they seem to have mastered.

ryan field said...

Thanks for commenting. That vote in NC left me feeling indifferent. I used to be more open-minded, but now I'm tired of sitting at the back of the bus.

Nithu said...

This might or not be relevant, but I read somewhere that the turnout for the vote was only something like 35% of registered voters. At first glance, 60%+ voting against gay marriage (or any variation of it) looks like a huge majority, but in terms of the people eligible to vote, it's not that much.

I wonder about the 65% of people that didn't vote. Are they indifferent? Do they think it doesn't affect them?

ryan field said...

That's very relevant. A lot of voters are apathetic and they don't think their vote counts. I wonder how it would have turned out if everyone had voted.